Deborah Ekpeneidua | The Advent of Hope

Johan Heinrichs [: 00:00:02

Welcome to the Journey with Care podcast. We're excited to give you a special weekly upside down Christmas advent series, an initiative of Care Impact. Every week until the new year, we'll explore the flip side of hope, peace, Love and joy and how everyday people find these gifts is some of life's most difficult moments. So grab a hot Cup of your favorite drink, sit by the proverbial fire as we journey through Christmas with care.

Wendi Park [: 00:00:33

Thank you for Joining the Journey with Care podcast, we're here actually in our new studio, a camper trailer situated in the midst of a bunch of snow. So So if you hear any background noise, it's just Canadians cleaning their driveways with the snowblower, which is perfect for our advent series that we are starting today. And with me here today, we have a very special guest, our very own Deborah Ekpinedwa. Welcome to the podcast.

Deborah [: 00:01:00

Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Wendi Park [: 00:01:03

Well, Deborah, you and me are personally connected. You've joined our family, actually, So this is very special to have you here on our very first episode for advent. So our guests are actually in for a treat. I hope Every one of you listening is going to be following us every Friday leading up to Christmas. We are having a special mini series of Upside Down Christmas. And Deborah, you are our very first guest, so I'm so grateful for you.

Deborah [: 00:01:32

Yes. I'm so honored to be here, and I'm excited to get started.

Wendi Park [: 00:01:36

For our 1st advent weekend, we're focusing on hope. And there was a special reason why I invited you for this series. Word alone, and I knew that Canada needed you to share your story. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself, Deborah?

Deborah [: 00:01:54

My life has been a roller coaster. I was born in Nigeria, and I immigrated here series. About 6 years ago, and it's it's it's a long story. But my childhood was a very rough one. I went through a lot of domestic abuse. And I guess as a child, I was just looking for a way out. And, honestly, Being in Canada is a miracle because we couldn't afford it. And the way things just worked out, God just had his hand all over it.

Deborah [: 00:02:31

Even coming here, the process of healing and trying to figure things out and live normally, despite The trauma and the abuse and PTSD from what I went through, it it's been challenging.

Wendi Park [: 00:02:46

And just for some context, you came here series. As a brave 16 year old to start life on your own and going to university. So, audience, we've got some brains here. She went to university at 16, but what was that like to come here on your own and why?

Deborah [: 00:03:07

Well, it was very hard. Growing up, I remember as a kid witnessing the abuse that went on in our house. I would always center. Pray and ask god to rescue me and take me out of that place. And When, the opportunity finally presented itself, I held on to it with everything I had because it was A way better option than what I was experiencing. And when I came here, I guess the psychological aftermath of My childhood started to take a toll on me. I didn't know I was experiencing PTSD. I didn't know what anxiety attacks or panic attacks was.

Deborah [: 00:03:50

I didn't really know anyone or have any family or friends. I actually had social anxiety, also something I didn't know. Series. And it was hard, making friends or getting out of my own head. A lot of what was said to me when I was younger or what I series. Would replay in my head, and it was some sort of self sabotage where everyone was just leaving. And and it it felt like I I I was under some sort of curse or, like, I was a problem. And

Wendi Park [: 00:04:25

So you felt abandoned?

Deborah [: 00:04:27

Yeah. I was alone most of the time crying in my Dorm room.

Wendi Park [: 00:04:31

Oh, here in Winnipeg as well.

Deborah [: 00:04:32

Yeah. Yeah. For years up until my mom and brother eventually came to Canada. And even after that, it got way worse.

Wendi Park [: 00:04:42

Yeah. And so then you were here a few years, and had I known, I would have said, come to mama. Series. We just this is a a message to our Canadians. We just often don't know who the hurting are and what the circumstances are. We just don't know, And I wish I could have prevented that. And what a lovely girl you are in our home. It must have been overwhelmed with social anxiety to come into a family of 10 or 9 plus you.

Wendi Park [: 00:05:09

But then your mom and brother came and were part of your story here. And there were other challenges that came with that, and even this year. Are you open to sharing some of that?

Deborah [: 00:05:21

Sure. Series. So my mom and brother came about 3 years ago, and, actually, I was very scared series. Of her coming because growing up, the very evident abuser was my far was my father. Series. And I always thought, like, I had to protect my mom from what he was doing. But as I grew up, I eventually realized that she was also series. Partaker and a perpetrator of the abuse, and I realized I needed to protect myself.

Deborah [: 00:05:54

And I fear that if she came here, It would be Nigeria all over again, and I was terrified. Even when she came, my my fear series. Came to reality because my relationship with my mom was not good at all. It was very, hostile and series. Over critical, and I I just found myself trying to look for her validation and approval, which series. Never happened, and, it it was around that time I was very suicidal as well. I didn't have any other voice talking to me to balance out the negative.

Wendi Park [: 00:06:38

So what was it like? Tell me. Help me understand. What was it like to feel no hope To the point of looking for ways. You've described what you did going on the bus. Right? Yeah. What was it like to feel that lack of hope?

Deborah [: 00:06:52

Series. It felt like I was a mistake. It felt like I wasn't supposed to be here. It felt like life was going on without me, and everyone else had it series. Figured out, and I was just living under this curse or shadow, and and I was just not center. Supposed to be here, so I thought the the solution was to take myself out of it. And it was also around the time I encountered Jesus, But it's it's not a place I ever want to be in again. Yeah.

Wendi Park [: 00:07:25

So when you were feeling no hope, That's when you encountered Jesus? Yes. And what what was that like?

Deborah [: 00:07:35

So, Again, no friends, no family. And I remember I honestly series. Felt and believed in my heart that god didn't love me, and he wanted nothing to do with me. And I was to the point where each time I would try to, you know, go through with suicide, I I kept thinking of center. Eternity and hell and heaven, and I I believe that. I don't know why. I definitely feel like god put center. Eternity on my heart each time I attempted.

Deborah [: 00:08:10

And I just got to a point where I was like, god, even if You don't love me even if I'm not good enough, even if I'm not, like, you know, the other Christians who are perfect and, You know, you love, I'm still going to hold on to you even if I have to sleep on the streets in heaven and not have a mansion. I just wanted I wanted a relationship with God. I wanted a father. I wanted someone who saw me. I wanted I didn't want to be invisible anymore. And, yeah, I encountered god in my room. I thought I was actually going going to die because series. Of the intensity of what I was experiencing.

Deborah [: 00:08:51

And I remember a couple weeks after that, I heard his voice for the series. 1st time. I'm not even sure it was audible. It was so clear. It shocked me a little, and he called me his child, and That has stayed with me ever since.

Wendi Park [: 00:09:07

Wow. And you and I, we met in June. Right? We didn't know each other, series. But we had a mutual connection, and somebody reached out to us and said, there's this girl, Debbie, they called you, series. That needs an apartment. Do we know of anything? And we we work through care portal and all kinds of things. We have some connections. So it was a natural thing for them to reach out.

Wendi Park [: 00:09:32

But I remember feeling this tug saying, Deborah doesn't need an apartment, she needs family. And so we met on on Zoom that very day or the next day. It was the day after your graduation from university. Series. And that Zoom call ended. What are you having for dinner? And we had dinner together. I said, we're cooking anyway. Come for dinner.

Wendi Park [: 00:09:55

And we didn't know it would evolve to be family. Yeah. And you have come through such a rough, rough year with And separation from your little brother moving into our home. There's been so much grief and loss and PTSD that follows us wherever we are. Right? Those don't end when you come into a new home. So why is hope a very real thing for you today? This Christmas, what does hope look like right now?

Deborah [: 00:10:37

Jesus. Ever since I encountered him, he's He's been my escape because things have not been easy at all, even up until the point of my mom passing. I don't know if anyone remembers what it was like coming to the faith for the 1st time, but mine was chaotic. I experienced so much spiritual attacks, and I'm not just talking, oh, your car breaks down in the middle of the road or you're having a bad day. I'm talking like fear for my life type attacks, really intense spiritual attacks. And Also my family, my mom and brother, it wasn't good either. The abuse continued and I didn't have any friends, and I was working and, you know, trying to keep the house together and do the right thing and forgive My parents and it was just it was a lot. And Jesus was the only thing that kept me hanging on and center.

Deborah [: 00:11:43

Pushing and even when my mom passed this year, I fell apart. I I I didn't know how to handle grief. No one nothing nothing I experienced throughout my life could ever prepare me for the pain of grief. It's worse than anything I could have ever imagined. And I remember the night it happened and I I couldn't sleep, and I just felt this pain in my chest. And I'm not not talking, like, emotional pain. Like, physically, my I was in pain, and I was series. Wreathing in my bed and crying, telling god I couldn't do it anymore.

Deborah [: 00:12:26

That upon, you know, the spiritual attacks didn't stop. It was worse than ever trying to deal with The financial repercussion of someone passing and, Jesus as just series. In my image of hope. And there have been moments up from the time she passed till, series. I think about a month ago, I I actually stopped praying because I couldn't I felt so exhausted to I'm tired. I didn't have the energy. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to pray about it anymore.

Deborah [: 00:13:03

I I would just sit in my series. Room and cry, and, god has just been faithful. He is.

Wendi Park [: 00:13:11

What does that faithfulness look like? What's The tangible evidence of god's faithfulness.

Deborah [: 00:13:17

His word, his his promises, his presence. I remember Going to church, for the first time with you guys in a while, and, I attended this weekend, series. Events, prayer event that we're having. And at that point, I I still wasn't praying. I I didn't know what was happening, and The attacks was still going on. I and I remember we were all praying over each other and, Like, person after person, they were saying visions and prophesying over me and telling me that center. God wants me to know that he loves me and that that I'm not alone and that I'm not fighting this battle alone Have hope and keep trusting in him. In fact, that entire week, god was just speaking.

Deborah [: 00:14:20

Because I remembered in his word that, you know, he's he he gives his angels charge over us to protect us. And I remember in my head, like, where are these angels that are supposed to be protecting me? And that that weekend prayer events, this random girl I met said that series. God revealed to her a vision that he has angels fighting with me, and I'm not on my own. And the fact that I didn't even Think the thought out I didn't say the thought out loud in any answer. It just showed how very real and close he is. And even personally in my life, I remember each time I would try to read the word, a number of verses would always series. Come to mind. And to the point where I thought, oh, I'm just like making things up.

Deborah [: 00:15:06

Because each time I ask the lord for, You know what to read. I'm always, like, thinking of the same verses over and over and over and over. And I don't know if you you mind me sharing some of them.

Wendi Park [: 00:15:19

Yeah. Share something.

Deborah [: 00:15:21

Okay. So, the first one The first one is from Jude, chapter 1 verse 24. At this point, I series. I feared that I would fall away because of how much attacks I was getting. I I I feared that I would give up, and series. The enemy would snatch me away from God, and he would always bring those verse to me, like, each every single time I asked him to series. To lead me to something that his heart was speaking to me. And the verse says, now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling series.

Deborah [: 00:16:01

And to make you stand in his presence of his glory blameless and with great joy. And it just solidified series. Hope for eternity. And for me, that believing in Jesus is not just believing that he died and he series. Your life in his hands is entrusting your soul, your future, your eternity, that he he just didn't die and series. Rise, you know, again, on the 3rd day that his sacrifice was, tangible, Like, you're not negating the power of the cross. And that you can say, I I completely trust my life, my soul, my everything to this man, And I know that I will be safe. I know that I will make heaven.

Deborah [: 00:16:49

I know that he will be with me even to the end of the age, and that series. Has been a symbol of hope for me.

Wendi Park [: 00:16:58

Right there, you verbalized why You need to come and speak on hope. So often we think of hope as this rainbows and unicorns and Jesus, hallelujah. And And there's a lot of good things, and many people have an easier life than you that can celebrate that. But hope What you just described, when you're not feeling it and only God, when you say Jesus, that's what I see in you. That's why when this upside down Christmas, we often think hope needs to be just something fluffy, but it's actually something when we do not have it, That's when hope enters in, when God can be your everything.

Deborah [: 00:17:38

Yeah.

Wendi Park [: 00:17:39

I also can't help but notice, Now that you are part of our family, those very hopeless feelings, those times when you've been feeling really low, It doesn't matter if you have food, shelter, people that love you. It doesn't take away from that hopelessness sometimes that you you have to to battle through. Right? What I've noticed is that when people in our lives feel like all hope is gone, series. I did see you reaching out to Jesus in a very true and authentic way, but I also saw God calling me To hope for you. To advocate for you. To when you didn't have hope, to be part of God's hope in your life,

Deborah [: 00:18:42

series.

Wendi Park [: 00:18:42

To help work together because we are created in community, and hope is not an insular one person thing. Right? We pursue hope together. I'd like you to talk to our listeners. Those who are wanting to find hope, those are who are in those places that series. It feels like they're losing their grip on hope. What would you say to them? And also, series. What would you say to those who are wanting to help others that are in hopeless situations? They truly want to care, We're just not sure how.

Deborah [: 00:19:18

First of all, I love that you brought up community because God has really shown me, like, the importance of community. Like, heaven would be a huge community of Jesus lovers. Series. And we can't go through this world alone. It's it's impossible. We cannot do it. And series. Virtual task.

Deborah [: 00:19:48

God has shown me that I I need community. I need a place to be planted. I need people who will series. Help me grow. And most people in the church don't realize how really important it is to Be involved and care and ask questions and follow-up. Most of the times, we just sit in the church and say our hellos and goodbyes and, like, center. See each other till we don't see each other till next week. But just as in the early church, in the book of Acts, they they didn't leave each other's side.

Deborah [: 00:20:21

They were always Communing and and praying together every single day, even at a particular time, caring for the widows and and the orphans. And we need that, especially in the times we are and in the age to come, the end times. We need to be tight knit and center. To be able to support. So I I feel like you should just be willing to to listen to people's stories and series. Hold back judgment and just be present. Offer help. Do you need help with something? Or you don't even need to offer.

Deborah [: 00:20:56

Show up. It means a lot because most of the people that are going through so much, they don't have it in them to ask for help. They don't know how to do it. And, Yeah. I just feel it's very important to to show up for people. It it means a lot. And, For people who are struggling to have hope, there's so many things going on in this world that can series. Take away hope from people, but based on personal experience, Jesus is is the answer.

Deborah [: 00:21:26

And I'm not just saying that as, like, Slapping on a sticker of Jesus, and, yeah, you'll be fine because, no, that's not how life works at all. A verse the Lord brought to mind a few weeks ago was the fact that he's in the boat with us. You know, the disciples, Because the son of God was with them, they didn't expect them to see a storm that would shake the boat, and they panicked. And the Lord was like, you know, where is your faith? So even though you have Jesus Christ and you have a spirit dwelling in you doesn't mean storm wouldn't arise. He said he will be with us even to the end of the age. He said, the righteous man has many fears, many troubles, but the lord delivers him from them all. And It's it's the fact that you have something to hope in. Even when Israel were being, series.

Deborah [: 00:22:20

Taken away by the Chaldeans, king Nebuchadnezzar and his army. And they were, like, confused on what is going on. God was Speaking to them on his promise of when they were going to come back, the promise that some people weren't even going to see because it was 70 years of slavery for them. And he was saying, you will seek me and you will find me. He says, you know, I have for you a hope and a future. And that just series. It speaks to the kind of god we have that he he's relentless. He doesn't give up, and he stays true to his word.

Deborah [: 00:22:57

mean, he Followed Israel for: 1000

Deborah [: 00:23:46

His words said he will not disappoint those who hope in him. People trust in sword and chariots and horses and money and center. Fame and all sorts of things, family even, but those who trust in the Lord will not be disappointed, will not be put to shame. He sits closer than a brother. When mother and father forsake you, I can testify to that. When mother and father forsake you, He will never leave you. He will take you up. He will hold you in his hands.

Deborah [: 00:24:18

He knows every single hair on your head. He is not series. A father to abandon you. He is close. He's he's closer than you think. And series. Don't be afraid to reach out to him, even if it's just to have a conversation. But just come to him with a genuine heart and and tell him series.

Deborah [: 00:24:39

This is what I'm worrying about. This is this is what is on my heart. This is what I'm fearing. And just lay late before him and just watch, series. He will not disappoint you. Taste and see that the lord is good. And I just want everyone to just to just see the kind of god we serve. He's not one to disappoint.

Wendi Park [: 00:25:01

Thank you, Devorah, for sharing. Wow. Would you be able to close our time together in a word of prayer? Of course.

Deborah [: 00:25:12

Father, lord, I just center. Thank you for this time. I thank you for the opportunity to speak. I thank you for the listeners. I thank you, lord, for, series. Through this word, you're sustaining the weary. I thank you for your strengthening your people and and you're giving them hope. You're you're planting hope, series.

Deborah [: 00:25:32

Seeds of hope in their heart. Your word says, weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Your word says, series. Through perseverance comes perfection, and you pour your love into our hearts. And but through that, we have hope, and hope does not disappoint. And we just thank you, Lord, for hope in you does not disappoint. You're not the god that disappoints. And I just ask that, lord, you meet whoever is out there, whoever is listening that center.

Deborah [: 00:26:06

Needs you that that needs you to show up for them. I ask that you meet them where they are, and show them that hope And you does not disappoint. I ask that you make this Christmas be one of blessing, be one of series. Evidence of of your presence, of your closeness, of your power and sovereignty, that everything everything is in your hands, Lord. Series. And I just pray a blessing over the listeners that you keep them. You you let your face shine upon them. That lord, you plant Seeds of hope and and your love in their hearts, and let it dwell richly in them.

Deborah [: 00:26:47

That even after Christmas, Let the seeds continue to flourish in every aspect of their life, that they will even be able to influence others, family, friends around them. Series. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Wendi Park [: 00:27:02

Thanks for listening to the journey with care podcast where paths connect over real life stories and honest conversations. We hope you continue to join us on this journey of faith, reconciliation, and loving our neighbor. Be sure to like, follow, and share. Journey with Care is an initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity dedicated to connecting and equipping the whole church across Canada to effectively journey in community with children and families in hard places. Learn how Care Impact is transforming the way churches engage with child welfare with our care portal technology and academy training. To support this podcast or to learn more series. Us, go to careimpact.ca or click the link in the show notes. We're so glad you are part of this journey with us as we journey with care even in the messy.

Wendi Park [: 00:27:47

Until next

Deborah [: 00:27:55

series.