How Do You Help Without Making Someone Feel Like a Project?
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Description
What makes someone feel truly seen, rather than simply helped?
Shannon and Johan share honest stories about the difference between meeting a need and building a connection. Together, they wonder what can happen when practical help becomes more than a transaction—and what it takes to shift from solving problems to seeing people, even when that feels a little messy.
Time Stamps
04:35 Listening versus giving advice
07:30 Shifting focus from tasks to people
09:39 Delivering Meals on Wheels
14:13 Making interactions more personal
18:02 Discussing innate sense of justice
20:10 What Would You Do scenario
23:19 Moving to a new apartment
28:02 Slowing down for human connection
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Transcript
And so that desire to solve or that desire to
Speaker:fix things isn't, again, inherently bad.
Speaker:It's just how do we take that and
Speaker:ensure that it doesn't become something that we're using to make
Speaker:ourselves feel better, but it actually is about seeing
Speaker:someone, connecting, and growing in
Speaker:relationship with them.
Speaker:Welcome back to Neighborly. We are here with another
Speaker:season. I say we because I'm joined
Speaker:by Johann, who you've gotten to hear over the summer. I hope you've really
Speaker:enjoyed those short summer speedo episodes. I have been.
Speaker:I've thought about so many practical tips. Keep thinking about the one episode
Speaker:about picking up our neighbor's trash bins, even though we don't need
Speaker:to. Um, but it's been such a great summer. But I kind of
Speaker:feel bad for those that are tired of those and hearing my voice because here
Speaker:I am right back in the fall and they thought they got rid
Speaker:of me, but no, here I am. No, we need you. You make us
Speaker:better. I'm excited to be back. It's been a
Speaker:quiet summer for me a little bit, not getting to come and
Speaker:chat and talk with all of you, but I'm excited to
Speaker:dive into this season. Johan and I have been Talking and
Speaker:strategizing and just thinking about how we can make this
Speaker:space valuable and meaningful for you
Speaker:as listeners, and that it really be a space where you can come and
Speaker:hear something practical, but see how it really can apply
Speaker:in your daily life and beyond that. So we're pumped. We're
Speaker:excited for what this season's going to have in store. Yeah, because there's a lot
Speaker:of competition for our attention and our ears, and there's a lot of podcasts
Speaker:people could be listening to. and probably are. So we wanted
Speaker:to really talk about, hey, why would someone really want to listen to this
Speaker:podcast? And we thought about things that we would get value out of
Speaker:and just keeping our listener in mind and really wanting them to get something
Speaker:out of it, too. So it's not like we're making a huge shift. It's
Speaker:all about being better neighbors, but like, let's get to the nitty-gritty.
Speaker:Like, how do we do that and how do we live out how Christ wants
Speaker:us to live out as good neighbors and loving one another? Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah. It's easy to get into the ideas and the concepts and
Speaker:the theories, but like, what does it mean day to day? You know, what does
Speaker:it mean when I'm walking down the hallway of my apartment and I see that
Speaker:annoying neighbor who I'll probably talk about later in this
Speaker:episode? Yeah, that's what this is all about. Being
Speaker:real, being practical, bringing it just down to the day to day.
Speaker:So each episode this season is we're gonna be answering a
Speaker:question and This question today, I think, is something that
Speaker:we maybe have experienced ourselves or felt,
Speaker:but maybe don't know exactly how to live
Speaker:this out differently. So that question is, what makes someone feel like a
Speaker:person, not a project?
Speaker:And to dive into this, I've got a question for you, Johann.
Speaker:When have you seen someone receive practical help, but
Speaker:they still felt more like a need to solve than a
Speaker:person to actually know. Now let
Speaker:me add the caveat that I don't think we're experts, like
Speaker:we're on this learning process too, and I probably
Speaker:am not great at this myself. So I can think back
Speaker:to a previous church that I was a part of. Like most
Speaker:churches, you do the hamper drives in the winter, but they did it actually
Speaker:year-round quite frequently. We had to pick up the hampers,
Speaker:certain amount, And we had the address, we had the list, and we needed
Speaker:to make the delivery. And a lot of these, because we did these often, like
Speaker:they were regular, and some people, they had it on the list
Speaker:actually to just leave it at the door. I'm like, why would they
Speaker:want us to leave it at the door? I can kind of put myself in
Speaker:their shoes where maybe you don't want the interaction. Maybe you're embarrassed that you're receiving
Speaker:a hamper, or maybe that first connection just wasn't
Speaker:very good. That first interaction that they had with someone delivering a hamper, maybe they
Speaker:felt— Belittled. Maybe there wasn't much conversation at all.
Speaker:So, it was like, why would I answer the door? I don't want to have
Speaker:a conversation with just another stranger. Like, who knows? It
Speaker:could be anything. But there were those people that we were just
Speaker:asked to leave it at the door. So, to me, that's one of
Speaker:those moments where it feels like they felt more like a person
Speaker:to receive practical help rather than a person to know.
Speaker:Yeah. What about you, Shannon? Do you have any? Yeah, I sat with this question
Speaker:for a minute and there, I know there's a million examples, but the one that
Speaker:kind of resonated the most with me is thinking
Speaker:about times where I've been in a group setting of some kind,
Speaker:and especially when maybe it's not people who I'm
Speaker:super close with. So whether it's like a church small group and,
Speaker:you know, I'm just getting to know these people or some other type of group
Speaker:setting. And this has happened many
Speaker:times where someone shares something, maybe it's personal or
Speaker:a little bit vulnerable, and very quickly
Speaker:someone responds with what they think that person should do to solve the
Speaker:situation, or, you know, that advice right
Speaker:away. And we're gonna talk about this more, and it
Speaker:comes from a place of wanting to help, I think.
Speaker:But so often if you've been on the receiving end and you just share
Speaker:something or you're going through something hard and someone's like, well, you should
Speaker:just do this, or just, why don't you do it this way? It
Speaker:can feel like, are you even listening to what I'm saying? Like,
Speaker:do you hear, you know, the emotions and the feelings that I'm
Speaker:navigating? And so quickly you can leave that
Speaker:interaction feeling like, oh, they just— You know,
Speaker:wanted to tell me what to do. They didn't really actually want to know me
Speaker:or hear my story. Okay, Shannon, we just shared
Speaker:some examples of maybe those times where they felt maybe like a
Speaker:problem over, or a project over being actual
Speaker:people. What about looking back
Speaker:in hindsight, caring for someone and then looking
Speaker:back and wishing, man, I wish I would have done that differently?
Speaker:Because I did not treat them like a person.
Speaker:I treated them like a project or someone that just had a need rather
Speaker:than building in that connection. Do you have anything looking back? Yeah. If
Speaker:you can remember? Yeah, I do. I was thinking back to when
Speaker:I was a student in college. I was at a really
Speaker:small, tiny, tiny school in a very small town. And
Speaker:once a semester, they would cancel classes in the
Speaker:morning on one day of the week. And all the students would go out to
Speaker:serve the community in some way. And some work had been
Speaker:done on the front end to identify, you know, who needs their lawn
Speaker:mowed or who needs, you know, this piece of equipment that's been
Speaker:rotting in the yard moved, or who needs help organizing, whatever it might be.
Speaker:There was a group of friends and I, and we had kind of come together
Speaker:and said, you know, we'd like to go do, you know, do this, whatever it
Speaker:might be together. And we got connected to, uh, an elderly
Speaker:woman who I think she just needed some yard work done. around her house.
Speaker:And looking back, the experience
Speaker:actually ended really meaningfully. She actually took us out
Speaker:for ice cream cones afterwards. Nice. Yeah. And so it was, it ended
Speaker:up being a great example, I think, of good connection. But I
Speaker:don't think it started there for me. My mindset going
Speaker:into that morning was I wanted to help, I wanted to
Speaker:serve, but I was thinking about, okay, what are the tasks that need to be
Speaker:done? I need to make sure I listen to the instructions properly. When we get
Speaker:there, I want to make sure I understand what she needs us to do and
Speaker:clearly put, you know, the sticks in this pile or the rocks in that
Speaker:pile versus starting with who is this
Speaker:woman that we're going to get to meet today? What, what is a little bit
Speaker:of her story? How long has she lived here? Like, none of that was really
Speaker:in my mind. I was thinking about like, what are the steps
Speaker:that we need to do when we get there? And I think in
Speaker:the end, it was someone in my group who had actually
Speaker:met this woman the year prior. So she had a little bit of
Speaker:an ongoing connection. And then it was the woman herself
Speaker:who really invited us to go get ice cream. So
Speaker:she, I'd say she was almost doing more of the connecting and more
Speaker:of that relational time together than I
Speaker:really was going into it. And I think looking back,
Speaker:I just wish I would've approached that differently from the start,
Speaker:um, mentally of thinking, you know what, I just wanna get to know this woman
Speaker:and we're gonna have time to do the work that she needs us, you
Speaker:know, to really help her with. But like, first let's just connect.
Speaker:Let's just get to know her and meet her a little bit.
Speaker:Maybe it would've resulted in more ice cream for you too. I know, that's what
Speaker:I'm thinking. We have a picture with her too. She was so
Speaker:sweet. I know it. Next time. Next time.
Speaker:What about for you? What comes to mind? I also used to
Speaker:deliver Meals on Wheels. I don't know if you, if you're familiar with that, but
Speaker:I think it's all over North America or whatever. But basically there's patients
Speaker:that are at home that need food because they can't care for
Speaker:themselves. They might have home care nurses and stuff coming in, but they have
Speaker:people that deliver meals. I always work with people with developmental disabilities, and that
Speaker:was one of the projects that we had. I quote unquote
Speaker:projects. Yeah. One of the things that we did during the day. Now this
Speaker:problem lay on me. We often had so many deliveries to
Speaker:do and didn't necessarily have enough time
Speaker:in our schedule to take our time and get to know the
Speaker:people. We didn't take much time to say hello. And again,
Speaker:like I would knock on the door, I'd say Meals on Wheels, and they
Speaker:would say, just open the door and put it on the floor or
Speaker:whatever. Yeah. Uh, but there were some that wanted to come in and
Speaker:try to initiate conversation. And I always wanted to get this going
Speaker:because we had other things to do and this wasn't my favorite
Speaker:thing to do, honestly. I don't know if it's, if
Speaker:it's because, you know what, I don't know. I don't know. I think I was
Speaker:afraid of talking with people at this point in my life. Strangers.
Speaker:I didn't like strangers very much. Interesting career choice now,
Speaker:Johan. Thank goodness for growth. Yeah. Uh,
Speaker:but I mean, the interesting thing is if you've done Meals on Wheels long
Speaker:enough, you have these regular routes. So you, you
Speaker:know, okay, I'll be going to this person's, this person's, this person's.
Speaker:And because a lot of these people are elderly, once in a while,
Speaker:one of these names would drop off the list. Yeah. And
Speaker:you have no information. You don't know what happened. Why
Speaker:don't they need him? Maybe they're all better all of a sudden, or they found
Speaker:new home care, or maybe they passed away. And as a podcast
Speaker:guy, I kind of— I'm kind of sad looking
Speaker:back at those times where I didn't take the time to connect with people because
Speaker:stories as a podcast person are so important. And I
Speaker:do love stories, but I didn't push to get their
Speaker:stories. I didn't get to push to find that connection. And maybe because They
Speaker:had Meals on Wheels. They didn't get many visitors or family bringing them meals.
Speaker:So that was an opportunity missed. And I feel like a lot of them
Speaker:really did try to put an effort in to get to know me, but I
Speaker:was on a schedule. I was too busy to make that
Speaker:connection, and that grieves me a little bit. Yeah.
Speaker:I think you make a great point in there, Johan, that sometimes
Speaker:people do just want you to leave the meal or leave the thing at
Speaker:the door. and go on. And
Speaker:that might be comfortable for both them and for you,
Speaker:but it kind of, I think, can leave both people feeling
Speaker:like, oh, we didn't really see each other.
Speaker:But before we can get to that point, can we— can you share a little
Speaker:bit about why do you think that is? Why do you think that it's easier
Speaker:to just leave the item and go without really having that
Speaker:human-to-human connection? Yeah, I think one of
Speaker:the challenges is that sometimes in these situations that we're
Speaker:talking about specifically is that the need actually
Speaker:is our first introduction to the person or family that we're meeting.
Speaker:Right. We're not, we're not building that relationship first, and I
Speaker:feel like when care grows out of an existing relationship,
Speaker:it's so much easier. Like, it's more natural.
Speaker:People feel human already because you already got to know them beyond
Speaker:beyond their need, and you might understand their need a little bit more because
Speaker:you understand the situation they're from. But it's really hard when
Speaker:our first introduction to them is, you have a need and I'm
Speaker:fulfilling it. Like, how do you build that relationship first?
Speaker:You can't really get to know them ahead of time knowing that the need is
Speaker:going to arise. Like, that's really challenging, especially in our
Speaker:case. Like, we're the care portal people. Mm-hmm. You could probably speak to that a
Speaker:little bit. Totally. Yeah, I, I love that you mentioned this
Speaker:because I was thinking about how I see this in my own life all the
Speaker:time. I've got friends who are having babies and friends
Speaker:moving because they're getting married and all these different things. And when I'm in
Speaker:conversation with them, it just naturally comes up, like,
Speaker:you know, what can I make for the baby shower? Or, you know, tell us
Speaker:when you're moving so we can come help, you know, haul boxes. It just
Speaker:feels so natural because we already have that
Speaker:relationship with them. And it doesn't feel transactional.
Speaker:But you're exactly right when it comes to opportunities that
Speaker:come up through CarePortal, for example, that first
Speaker:introduction to the person or to the family is the
Speaker:need that I'm reading about, you know, on the request on the app. And
Speaker:so that's the exact question I think we need to ask ourselves is,
Speaker:it's not bad that this first introduction is the need. Of course,
Speaker:that's, that's not— An inherently bad thing. So
Speaker:knowing that though, how can we then see
Speaker:that need and take that to be, make it a more
Speaker:human moment, a more relational moment? And I think a
Speaker:lot of it comes down to our intentionality
Speaker:that you might get to show up with the car seat, but
Speaker:when you get there, is it okay, here's the car
Speaker:seat, like have a great day? and bye. Or what
Speaker:if, hi, my name is Shannon. I, you know,
Speaker:saw that you're in my neighborhood and wanted to bring this car seat.
Speaker:How are you doing? How, you know, how does it feel to
Speaker:be adding a new little baby to the family? You know, are you new here?
Speaker:Just asking questions, I think, is such a great
Speaker:way to easily get past that transactional
Speaker:Kind of space that can come up when we're just bringing something or,
Speaker:and meeting someone for the first time that way, that I love to ask
Speaker:questions. Um, because you can find things to relate to that go
Speaker:beyond what it is that you're bringing. And I can
Speaker:say, oh yeah, I'm having a baby too. And oh, figuring
Speaker:out, are we gonna, you know, how are we gonna do feeding or whatever those,
Speaker:those different things you can do, just connecting. As
Speaker:people. And, and doesn't mean you're going to become best friends right away.
Speaker:You know, they might not even want that, but it just means I see
Speaker:you and I'm getting to know you and I'm bringing
Speaker:something that you need because we all need things. That's, that's not wrong.
Speaker:But when we bring that, how can we ask questions
Speaker:to help us see that person beyond what they need? I think
Speaker:that's a great way to go about it. And I think maybe another
Speaker:human way of going about it, and I don't think this is a typical way
Speaker:of doing a request, is recognizing,
Speaker:you know what, I'm nervous about meeting you for the first time, and you're probably
Speaker:really nervous about meeting me for the first time, and recognizing, hey,
Speaker:they're probably even more nervous than I am. I don't know how you
Speaker:bring that up in your first interaction, or if you do at all, but just
Speaker:even having that recognition. That they're probably feeling nervous about this.
Speaker:And I like what you said there is like, I have needs too. Like, is
Speaker:there a way that you can weave that into the conversation saying,
Speaker:you know what, I've been helped in so many ways. I really just wanted to
Speaker:give back and I know we all need support. So here's my way of doing
Speaker:that. It takes that savior complex out of the way a little bit,
Speaker:saying we're just all caring for each other and this is my way of reaching
Speaker:out. I love that. That's a great practical reminder
Speaker:of our mindset. Johan, can you talk a little bit about
Speaker:problem solving though? Because I, it can be kind of an instinctual
Speaker:reaction is that when we see, quote, a problem or an
Speaker:obvious need, our natural instinct is to
Speaker:solve it. Like, what do we do with that? Yeah, if you ask my
Speaker:wife, she'll say that I like to solve problems even when
Speaker:she doesn't want me to solve problems. She just wants someone to listen.
Speaker:I think I'll always be learning how to do that better. But I think we're
Speaker:all in a sense problem solvers because we don't like to see suffering.
Speaker:We don't like to see people in need. That's why
Speaker:charities thrive off sharing stories,
Speaker:showing the kid in need and putting that on the screen because
Speaker:that's what's going to create donations, right? We want to solve that problem for that
Speaker:kid. We don't want to see that kid suffering anymore. Right. So I think inherently
Speaker:we don't like unsolved mysteries. That's why we like the
Speaker:whodunit series, podcasts, true crime, because we want to
Speaker:find out who did it. We don't like things going unresolved,
Speaker:and we don't like to see suffering. I think that is such a
Speaker:natural part of how God has made us, too.
Speaker:He is a God of justice, and I think when he
Speaker:formed his people, There's a level of that in us as well,
Speaker:that we can sense right and wrong. We can sense good and evil
Speaker:and desire that good
Speaker:order to how life should be and that vulnerable people shouldn't
Speaker:suffer. And so that desire to solve or that
Speaker:desire to fix things isn't, again, inherently
Speaker:bad. It's just how do we take that
Speaker:And ensure that it doesn't become
Speaker:actually something that we're using to make ourselves feel better, but it
Speaker:actually is about seeing someone, connecting, and
Speaker:growing in relationship with them. I really
Speaker:like what the Bible talks about us being the body of Christ and
Speaker:not having the hand say to the eye, I have no need of you.
Speaker:I'm not sure if it was the hand or the eye, but you know what
Speaker:I mean. But we all need each other, and I think
Speaker:that's the place we need to start from
Speaker:is knowing our need for each other. We all have
Speaker:something to offer the other person, and I think that's a good place for
Speaker:us to begin to give out of relationship and connection rather than
Speaker:giving to a need because we're really giving to people.
Speaker:We're not giving to a need, we're giving to people. Right. Because they're worth it
Speaker:and they have, Intrinsic value. Yep. Okay,
Speaker:Shannon, before we put a bow on this episode, we're going to try something new.
Speaker:I want to have a little bit of fun on this podcast because you know
Speaker:what? I listen to a lot of podcasts and the ones that are
Speaker:more fun, I keep coming back to. Right. So we're going to
Speaker:do a segment. This is the first of its kind
Speaker:and not the last, hopefully. If you have negative
Speaker:feedback, you can let us know, but We're going to call this segment, What
Speaker:Would You Do? What would you do? What would you do?
Speaker:Okay. So you know what we're doing here, Shannon. Um, what's this
Speaker:segment going to be about? What are we going to do? All right. So in
Speaker:our What Would You Do segment, I'm going to give you a scenario
Speaker:and a question, and I want to hear how you'd
Speaker:respond. You know, maybe you feel strongly one way,
Speaker:maybe you have a few options. But I want to hear what, what would you
Speaker:do in this scenario? And maybe I'll share a few thoughts as
Speaker:well, because the one today I have a lot of feelings about.
Speaker:All right, so Johan, you have talked to the same neighbor
Speaker:several times, and you definitely should know
Speaker:their name by now, but you don't. And
Speaker:then what do you do the next time you see them? Do you
Speaker:ask their name? Do you pretend that you already know it? What
Speaker:would you do? I'm notoriously bad at
Speaker:remembering names. Uh, I got a few
Speaker:things. I got a few options, actually. First of all,
Speaker:my wife is better with names. So if a neighbor
Speaker:keeps talking to us, I'll usually ask her, hey, what's the neighbor's
Speaker:name? They were just talking to me. I can do that,
Speaker:but I'll usually forget the name almost immediately and have to ask her again anyway.
Speaker:So, that's not a great solution. And number 2,
Speaker:I just don't use their name. I mean, I'm actually living this out right now.
Speaker:I got a few neighbors. We talk all the time. We're on the driveway
Speaker:saying, hey, how's it going? I don't know their name. I should know their
Speaker:name. I've lived here like 7 years. I interact with people all
Speaker:the time without using their name. 7 years? Wait, you lived there 7 years, you
Speaker:don't know their name? Well, I, I did. I, I learned.
Speaker:I— okay, I got to know their name at one point,
Speaker:but, oh, you know, then winter comes and no one talks
Speaker:to the neighbors in Manitoba because it's too cold. No one
Speaker:wants to be on the driveway chatting, so I forget their name over the winter.
Speaker:And I almost need to use it every week to remember it. Right.
Speaker:There's one neighbor, our next-door neighbor, I got to know their name.
Speaker:I talked to them all the time, and then they moved away. And now we
Speaker:got new neighbors, and I gotta learn that process all over again. So,
Speaker:well, and then one of them barely speaks English, so that's not going to be
Speaker:great. Right. Unless you learn their language, then there you
Speaker:go. Okay. But here's a great solution. Oh gosh. I
Speaker:don't know the legality of this. I'm not condoning this, but
Speaker:everybody gets mail. We don't have those locked mailboxes here yet. Some,
Speaker:many places do in Canada, but we don't. So, I might
Speaker:actually go to their mailbox, You know, check a name on the mail.
Speaker:Johan. I'm not, I'm not checking their
Speaker:mail. And you know what? Sometimes neighbors
Speaker:get wrong mail, so I can pretend to bring a letter over there.
Speaker:Like I got the— they got in the wrong mailbox and just peek at the
Speaker:name on the mail. I'm not going to open the mail because that's illegal. That
Speaker:is definitely. That is. But you know, for the sake of being
Speaker:less awkward and getting to know I'm not saying I've done this. I'm just saying
Speaker:it's a possible solution. You know, something I may— yeah.
Speaker:I should probably ask for forgiveness because I, I
Speaker:am acting self-righteous, but I almost have done a couple of
Speaker:these. Okay. Yeah. Even last night, I, I'm,
Speaker:as you're talking, I was realizing I saw someone's package in the
Speaker:hallway and that Amazon had delivered and it was for a guy
Speaker:that we've talked to, but I forgot his name. And I really
Speaker:thought about looking down at the package to get his name,
Speaker:but I thought, you know, that's weird. I shouldn't do that. So I didn't.
Speaker:But what I did do actually that I don't think
Speaker:was wrong, but my intentions maybe were not
Speaker:the most pure. We moved this summer to a
Speaker:new apartment and it's been great. We love living here.
Speaker:We do have one of Uh, a neighbor who
Speaker:you could say is eccentric. That's my, my favorite word to
Speaker:describe her. She's an eccentric lady, and I've
Speaker:talked to her a few times. Very— yeah, very just
Speaker:eccentric. Uh, she's told me her name and I don't
Speaker:remember what it is, but the other day I was like, what is this
Speaker:lady's name? And I remembered that because we're in an
Speaker:apartment We have one of those like pager systems when
Speaker:you walk in, so you can like dial someone's unit number and it'll, you
Speaker:know, they'll buzz you up. Nice. Yeah. And so it has a list
Speaker:of all the tenants. It's posted and it has their unit number, and I knew
Speaker:which unit number she lived in, so I just looked at the list.
Speaker:It's, it's just right there, very public. But the downside is that
Speaker:people, they choose what to display on the list, and so
Speaker:it only had her last name. And what I'm not going to do is
Speaker:look her up on Facebook. That would be, I think, a step too far. You
Speaker:can be respectful and say Mrs. whatever her last name is.
Speaker:That is true. That can work. That is true. Except she's never told me her
Speaker:last name. So then she'd probably say, where'd you get my
Speaker:last name? Oh, I think the moral of the
Speaker:story is that we just— well, what is the moral of the
Speaker:story? Maybe we just need to write people's names down
Speaker:when we remember, when they tell us. Okay. So,
Speaker:you know what? This is a good segue because finding out
Speaker:someone's name could make them feel like a project.
Speaker:How do I find out this person's name? Not if they don't know that you
Speaker:did all that effort. Well, here's the other thing. Like
Speaker:I talked to neighbors and I know they don't know my name.
Speaker:Like I can look them in the eye. We have several conversations. Sure. And I
Speaker:never hear them use my name. In fact, Johan is not a memorable name.
Speaker:So we're in the same boat. It's, it's kind of this weird tension. You don't
Speaker:even— you don't know each other's names and you're just having this conversation. Right. We
Speaker:really just need to get better at connecting with people and having these conversations
Speaker:better so that we're also caring and loving on people
Speaker:and talking. That's right. Out of a place of connection and not a project
Speaker:of, I'm going to find your name out one way or another without asking you
Speaker:directly. Right. Right. Just be a little more
Speaker:direct. I think we could all use that. Just be more direct, but kind.
Speaker:Clarity is kindness, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, we could always ask them, but who wants to be the first person
Speaker:to ask for their name? Yeah. And that's the thing. Like, if you
Speaker:ask your neighbor's name, I'm still going on this. If you ask for your neighbor's
Speaker:name, they're going to say their name and then they're going to say, what was
Speaker:your name again? So someone's waiting for that question. It's actually
Speaker:relieving when someone says, what was your name again? So maybe it's
Speaker:more bonding, really. Like, this is a great connection opportunity.
Speaker:Yeah. Anyway, that was our segment. That's our question. It's not always going to be
Speaker:the same question. Obviously, we're going to have different questions and hopefully
Speaker:make us think a little bit more. That's right. And you know what? That tied
Speaker:into this episode nicely, I think. So, I think so. You have anything else to
Speaker:say on today's question about treating
Speaker:people like people rather than projects?
Speaker:I think what I'd love to leave with is a
Speaker:quick bullet list of some ways to practice this,
Speaker:because I want to make sure that when we have these conversations,
Speaker:people can leave with that next step of like, okay, well, what do I do
Speaker:with this? So here's a few ideas. When you're in
Speaker:conversation with somebody or you're interacting in one way or another,
Speaker:ask questions before you assume. Number 2,
Speaker:could be their name. Could be their name. Start very
Speaker:basic. Number 2, offer choices where
Speaker:possible. Kind of ties in with not assuming, but
Speaker:if you can offer a choice between this or that. Number
Speaker:3, learn one thing about the person that has nothing to do with
Speaker:what they need. I think this is kind of like a
Speaker:power practice in a way. I think this, this goes a lot further than we
Speaker:think. It does. Number 4, slow
Speaker:down enough for a human interaction when
Speaker:circumstances allow. Instead of rushing through life,
Speaker:rushing through the day, take a
Speaker:second and see somebody. Talk to the person at the cash
Speaker:register. Say hi a little bit longer to the person who's
Speaker:filling your gas. And lastly, follow up.
Speaker:So let's say you're able to help a neighbor move
Speaker:some furniture, And maybe it's a neighbor you don't really talk to that much, but
Speaker:this time decide to follow up with them, check in,
Speaker:and see what else they need. Those are just a few possible
Speaker:practices of things you can do in the moment to help
Speaker:us move from seeing people as what they need and
Speaker:actually seeing them for who they are and the worth that they have.
Speaker:That sounds great to me. All right, Shannon, I had fun joining you on this
Speaker:episode. I think I might Join you for a few more this fall.
Speaker:Sounds great. How do you feel about that? I think that's great. Our listeners are,
Speaker:are soon gonna find out one way or another that I won't, I won't be
Speaker:around too much after December because I'm having a baby of my
Speaker:own. So, uh, yeah, here we go.
Speaker:And I will for sure remember your baby's name. Please do. Please do. I hope
Speaker:so. I'll write it down for you.
Speaker:The stories we share here remind us that care does not have to be perfect
Speaker:to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighborly is an
Speaker:initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity equipping churches,
Speaker:agencies, and communities with technology and training to care better
Speaker:together. This episode was produced by Care Creatives Co., a
Speaker:social enterprise of Care Impact. If you're building a podcast and want help with
Speaker:strategy, editing, or full production, visit carecreativesco.com.
Speaker:Care Creatives Co. I'm Johan. Thanks
Speaker:for listening, and keep being the kind of neighbor someone will never
Speaker:forget, in a good way. This is The Take, where my
Speaker:faith and your own
Speaker:meet. We're standing for freedom,
Speaker:love's holy fire. Love is
Speaker:turning over tables, breaking
Speaker:all chains. When I see you in a
Speaker:stranger, I'm no longer the same.
Speaker:Turning over tables, tearing
Speaker:down walls, building up the
Speaker:bridges between the souls of
Speaker:his children. Turning over tables, breaking all the walls.
