Choosing Kin | Part 1: The Path To Belonging with Danika
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Description
In the first part of a 3-part series, Johan hosts interviews his daughter, Danika about her challenging childhood experiences before being adopted into Johan's family. They explore her family's struggles, including her father's decline due to untreated PTSD and the impact of their move to a farm. Danika shares her journey in finding faith and community amidst isolation and trauma, while the host reflects on the importance of unconventional family structures. This candid conversation offers a poignant look at the impact of loneliness, resilience, and the role of spiritual support in shaping one's identity.
Timestamps
[00:00] Introducing Danica, a story of family.
[04:05] Sundays listening to Stuart McClain and vinyl tap.
[06:49] Dad's decline started after leaving Calgary.
[12:00] Defied mom, stayed up for dad
[15:25] Dad leaving, taking dogs, hurt and shock.
[17:47] At 14, dad left, then Danika became Christian.
[22:09] High school experience included bullying and isolation.
[24:55] Repeated trauma leads to complex PTSD, isolation.
[28:50] Grateful for friends, relied on God's love.
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Transcript
What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
Speaker:is journey with care, where curious Canadians get inspired to
Speaker:love others well through real life stories and honest
Speaker:conversations,
Speaker:you divine providence. Traditional
Speaker:theism holds that God is the creator of heaven and earth
Speaker:and that all that occurs in the universe takes place under divine
Speaker:providence, that is, under God's sovereign guidance
Speaker:and control. According to believers, God governs
Speaker:creation as a loving father, working all things for
Speaker:good. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
Speaker:all right, here we are. Welcome to journey with care.
Speaker:We are starting off this new season, season three,
Speaker:with a three episode series. I am
Speaker:on with my daughter Danica. Hello, Danica. Hey. And
Speaker:just for the sake of clarity and giving context to what this
Speaker:episode and what this series is going to be about, Danica is our
Speaker:adult adopted daughter. And it's been just over a year and a half since
Speaker:we started using that familial language. So we're going to be talking
Speaker:about Danica's journey, about her early life
Speaker:experiences and how she came into our family. Just
Speaker:an awesome story about God's sovereignty and how he brings
Speaker:people into families and he makes families stronger and
Speaker:he brings joy into families. So I want to bring
Speaker:Danika on to share her story, and maybe we can even learn a little bit
Speaker:more about each other in the process. But really just want to dig into your
Speaker:story because I think that there's a lot there that will bring value
Speaker:to a lot of our listeners because this podcast is all about how to
Speaker:love our neighbors better. Yeah, we'll talk about it later in the podcast.
Speaker:But in my opinion, I think adult children
Speaker:who don't have that mother or father in their life, which is
Speaker:becoming more and more common when it comes to spiritual mothers and spiritual
Speaker:fathers, I've noticed it's like, oh, it's more like if you find
Speaker:someone that's the same gender as you, but for those who have that
Speaker:loss and that lack. But it's like, for me, I'm a
Speaker:woman. A lot of churches, especially, like, when I was starting to become an adult,
Speaker:they're like, oh, that's inappropriate. You're good. You're 18 now,
Speaker:you're fine. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what I'm
Speaker:doing, but it's like, you still need your dad and you still need
Speaker:a mom. And so it's just, I think this is a really important thing
Speaker:that isn't talked about in the church. You don't typically
Speaker:see these examples. And so my hope is that if there are
Speaker:people out there who are like, you don't have your dad in your life or
Speaker:your mom in your life. It's okay for unconventional things to happen and to do
Speaker:things that are against the grain. Just follow discernment and let the Lord
Speaker:lead in it. Yeah. In fact, there's been an official surgeon general
Speaker:warning that the next epidemic is loneliness.
Speaker:And that's crazy, if you think about it throughout. Covid. I mean,
Speaker:that's definitely contributed to loneliness and people being
Speaker:isolated for so long. And I believe the Lord
Speaker:sets the lonely in families. That's something he loves to do
Speaker:and wants to continue to do. So let's get right into your story, Danica. I
Speaker:want to hear a little bit about your childhood. Whatever you want to share.
Speaker:Tell us a little about your background story. Maybe early years.
Speaker:What are some of the good memories you had? Maybe some challenges.
Speaker:So I was born in Alberta, and
Speaker:so I grew up with my dad, actually. And so for my
Speaker:early years, I was very close with him. Like, pictured,
Speaker:perfect definition of a daddy's girl. He was. Pretty much all my
Speaker:childhood memories revolve around stuff with him or, like, our extended
Speaker:side of the family, on the paternal side. And so, yeah, I
Speaker:would talk to him a lot. We had a garage, and he
Speaker:would be in the garage, like, smoking and
Speaker:having one or two beers more than you should. And
Speaker:then I would just be sitting on the garage steps, and we'd be talking.
Speaker:And it's either we're listening to Stuart McClain
Speaker:or vinyl tap. I believe it was Sundays
Speaker:after the vinyl cafe. They would do, like, the rock and roll thing. And
Speaker:so I grew up with learning to appreciate classic rock
Speaker:and learning to appreciate history. And
Speaker:so those are, like, my fondest memories is talking to
Speaker:my dad about world wars, or we discussed World War
Speaker:II a lot because my
Speaker:family's background is austrian, and so that's a very
Speaker:big piece in our family history. And so my
Speaker:dad and I were really close, and he was pretty much, like, if someone asked
Speaker:me who my hero was, it was him. And before you get into some of
Speaker:the challenges which it feels like you're transitioning to, yeah, I
Speaker:can see already that a lot of that has shaped you to the
Speaker:person you are today. Like, even those early childhood memories and listening to music. I
Speaker:know you love vinyl. We bought you a record for Christmas,
Speaker:and you love history. You go through
Speaker:documentaries all the time, and that's just a big part of who you are.
Speaker:So that's not a piece that you've shut off. Like, you've taken those
Speaker:good memories and you've brought them alongside to the person
Speaker:you are today. I didn't come by this naturally. So how
Speaker:early were those childhood memories that you're talking about in the garage? I
Speaker:can honestly remember going as far back as like kindergarten. So
Speaker:about five, I think even a little bit before that is when
Speaker:I remember being in the garage and it was like pretty much every
Speaker:single night for like an hour or two. That was my routine.
Speaker:So that was your time in Calgary? You moved at some
Speaker:point, right? Is that a transitioning point in part of this story
Speaker:here? That is the biggest transitioning point, even just as a family
Speaker:was that move. And so I would say the
Speaker:challenges started before we moved. My
Speaker:parents were separated before we had moved from
Speaker:Calgary. And then they got back together and did like marriage counseling. And I was
Speaker:eleven going on twelve at the time. And then a year
Speaker:later they were like, hey, since
Speaker:we've known each other, we've wanted to get a farm and be
Speaker:farmers. And I was like, okay.
Speaker:And so they just kind of told us one night, because I have one
Speaker:sibling and they're like, we're going to move to a farm.
Speaker:So do you think that was kind of like a fresh start that they
Speaker:wanted? Yeah, 100%. That's how they presented
Speaker:it to us. It's like this is going to be a new beginning for our
Speaker:family and that we'll have horses living with us
Speaker:and any animal we want. Do you remember what it was
Speaker:like during that separation period for you? It was hard.
Speaker:I think that's one area of my childhood that I kind of blocked out.
Speaker:But my dad was still pretty close at that point
Speaker:and I think it only really lasted like two months before they
Speaker:decided to work on it. But I remember we were going to move to
Speaker:Winnipeg or something. And so I was a little bit excited about that because we
Speaker:do have some family here on my mom's side. And so it was a
Speaker:very different response at that time. But
Speaker:I think it was that my dad was in a
Speaker:healthier mindset. His mental decline didn't
Speaker:start until we moved from
Speaker:Calgary. Now when you talk about mental decline, what kind of things are you talking
Speaker:about? So my dad is a veteran
Speaker:and so he was a peacekeeper from 93 till I think like
Speaker:96. So he went over to
Speaker:Croatia, was his first deployment, and so
Speaker:he developed post traumatic stress disorder from that and it
Speaker:was left untreated because that can. Sleep
Speaker:is a term that I've seen is that you can have it
Speaker:but not have any symptoms for years. And
Speaker:so he didn't start having the symptoms of having it
Speaker:until I was, like, 13 ish. That's when I've noticed. That's when
Speaker:my dad's personality and started to change.
Speaker:Do you think that contributed to some of the marital issues
Speaker:that your parents had? I think that's the entirety of the marital issues
Speaker:for my parents is that my dad, he completely
Speaker:changed the stories I heard from them when they met
Speaker:and stuff like that. He's not like that. And he was
Speaker:never like that either when I was a kid. So I think my
Speaker:mom. The decline started a lot sooner, but
Speaker:the very noticed personality change was started
Speaker:when I was 13. Now let's go back to the transition to the
Speaker:farm. What do you remember feeling when they talked about moving
Speaker:to a farm? And that's in Saskatchewan, right? A different province.
Speaker:Yeah. I wasn't excited. I really loved my
Speaker:paternal side of the family, and they all lived there.
Speaker:And I loved our house. I liked
Speaker:horses. We had had two horses. We were boarding
Speaker:in Turner Valley, but I liked not living with them. It
Speaker:was nice, but I wasn't excited. I
Speaker:like the outdoors, but I'm not like, I want to go out at
Speaker:-40 and feed the horses kind of girl. And so I wasn't excited about
Speaker:it. I was like, can we just stay
Speaker:here? But no, I got more excited after we started looking
Speaker:at farms and stuff. How about your sister? Oh, she was
Speaker:pumped. Yeah, well, she loves animals. Like, that's her thing.
Speaker:And so she was really excited to be on the farm and getting to do
Speaker:all that stuff and getting chickens and whatever else we
Speaker:ended up getting down the road. Tell me about the early days at
Speaker:the farm. What was that like? I actually remember the first
Speaker:day we were there. It was weird. We were in a
Speaker:much bigger house than we had been in Calgary. And
Speaker:I've always loved rocks. That's another thing that I've loved since childhood. And
Speaker:so we had, like, gravel paths all over. So in the
Speaker:early days, I would just go outside hunting for rocks. There was a lot of
Speaker:quartz and stuff in that area, so that's what I did.
Speaker:And walking and listening to music or making up stories
Speaker:in other worlds in my head, like, just what I would usually do.
Speaker:But I had a very hard time adjusting to being in
Speaker:the middle of nowhere. Were you able to make some friends?
Speaker:A couple? I wasn't really a kid that really made friends. I mean,
Speaker:I talked to my dad about dictators at the age of
Speaker:eight. I don't recommend that for making friends.
Speaker:So I've always kind of been like, the weird kid in the misfit so I
Speaker:made like one or two friends, but that was about it. So it's just like
Speaker:the isolation. That's when I started noticing
Speaker:that our family didn't really have close family friends
Speaker:or I didn't really have friends back in Calgary. That's when I
Speaker:started to notice that there is a lot of isolation and seclusion
Speaker:in my life with our family style. So your parents
Speaker:wanted the fresh start at the farm. Did you notice that it helped at the
Speaker:beginning? And when did you see that decline? I
Speaker:cannot tell you why my parents decided buying a farm an hour and 15
Speaker:minutes away from my dad's office was a good
Speaker:idea. So he had to commute every day? Yeah, there and
Speaker:back. And then he had to get a second job because land
Speaker:taxes are really high and farms are expensive. He
Speaker:would go to work for like 8 hours a day
Speaker:and then he would go and work at the home depot for like four to
Speaker:6 hours at night and then come home. So in the
Speaker:beginning we didn't see him that much. We only really saw
Speaker:him on Sundays or the odd Saturday that he wasn't working at Home
Speaker:Depot, but he wasn't really home. When you were in Calgary,
Speaker:you had that time in the garage with him. How
Speaker:did that change your relationship with your dad, not having as much time with him
Speaker:on the farm because he had to commute so much? Well,
Speaker:I'm a very stubborn person. And so for
Speaker:the first time in my entire life, I stopped listening to my mom and I
Speaker:would just stay up and wait for him. The biggest challenge was finding a new
Speaker:garage spot. Actually, the garage in the house didn't really have a place for me
Speaker:to sit. And then my mom's like, you're not smoking in the garage near the
Speaker:house because there's like sheds and stuff now. It's actually kind of funny.
Speaker:We ended up going to the one shed that was kind of
Speaker:in really bad condition. I'm talking like,
Speaker:bats are in there and it's the old workshop and stuff,
Speaker:so it still has all the built in wood benches and the built
Speaker:in storage for nuts and bolts. And there was a lot of
Speaker:leftover things. And so my dad and I would, we started
Speaker:to transition back to garage talks, but I only think we had
Speaker:a handful of them before and I really did
Speaker:notice a decline then. He was more to himself and
Speaker:more pauses in conversation. Or there would be times that
Speaker:if I got something wrong that he would snap at me, which
Speaker:was not usual. And so the disconnect with
Speaker:my dad started around that time. And so I really tried
Speaker:to maintain that and it was a very difficult
Speaker:year on the farm to transition. So I guess with some of the decline in
Speaker:the PTSD, that took a toll on their marriage as well
Speaker:at that time. So that's when you're beginning to see a decline in your parents
Speaker:relationship as well. And how was your sister handling that?
Speaker:She didn't handle the move well, actually. So she
Speaker:looked forward to it. But when she got there, yeah, it was just. It was
Speaker:a really big change. Living in a new space was really hard
Speaker:for her. I don't know so much on her end. We don't really talk about
Speaker:this, but she was not as close with my dad as I was, so
Speaker:it was a very different experience for her. So when did your
Speaker:parents decide to get that divorce, and how do you remember
Speaker:feeling at that point? It was the January
Speaker:after our first Christmas there as a family. And how old were you there? I
Speaker:was 14 at that time. And they sat us down for a
Speaker:family meeting and I don't remember how they said it,
Speaker:but what I remember is they're like, they were going to separate, but this time
Speaker:was going to be for real and that my dad
Speaker:didn't want to work on the marriage this time. And so I was absolutely
Speaker:devastated this time. Do you remember some of the questions going on in your
Speaker:head at that time? At first
Speaker:I was just wondering where he would end up. Was he going to go back
Speaker:to Calgary? What would custody be like? And
Speaker:so just all those questions going through my mind. And
Speaker:the one thing we did learn is that the farm we had bought,
Speaker:the more time he spent on it, the more it triggered his PTSD. And so
Speaker:that also made his PTSD worse because apparently some
Speaker:of the layout on our farm was very similar to his base camp.
Speaker:So that was also when we found out about the PTSD for
Speaker:the first time. So the divorce happens. What
Speaker:happens to your parents at that point? So my dad slept
Speaker:downstairs because we had like a room downstairs. And then
Speaker:his goal was to stay until my sister and I
Speaker:both had our birthdays that year. But then he found a
Speaker:really good deal for a house to rent closer to his job. So he
Speaker:moved out, like, I think three weeks after. How did you feel when he moved
Speaker:out? I still have that memory of him getting in
Speaker:his car and driving away very vividly in my mind. I
Speaker:think that was one of the hardest points of it, was watching my dad
Speaker:leaving and he took like two of the dogs with him too, so
Speaker:it made it more real. And my birthday
Speaker:was very important. To me now, it's like, it's mixed, but
Speaker:it really hurt that he didn't keep his word and that he
Speaker:left. So I think I just kind of
Speaker:got so overwhelmed with it that it was more of a numb feeling and like
Speaker:a shock. Like he's actually going. So what happened to
Speaker:your relationship with him after he's moved away? So the first couple of
Speaker:months he would email regularly, and then if you didn't
Speaker:contact him, he wouldn't contact you. So
Speaker:slowly, I just didn't hear from him and we didn't see
Speaker:him. I don't think we'd gone out to visit or see. Yeah,
Speaker:actually, we didn't go and see his house for, like, ever. So we didn't see
Speaker:him after he left, when he drove away. And he didn't visit too
Speaker:often. Never. He'd never stepped foot on the farm again after
Speaker:that. I think there's only one other time he did, but that's it.
Speaker:What happened then? What happened at that point? Well, this is
Speaker:a really great transition because it's like. So I wasn't raised as a
Speaker:Christian. I was actually raised, and my dad's like a really hardcore
Speaker:atheist. Like hardcore. Interesting. Yeah,
Speaker:I'm talking like, talking about just certain things
Speaker:about Christianity in a very negative light growing up. But I've
Speaker:always been interested in church. For some reason that just never got
Speaker:drilled into my head is that christians were bad. So even though you were
Speaker:heavily influenced by your dad and some of his likes and
Speaker:interests, that's one thing that didn't seem to stick. That
Speaker:one didn't stick. I knew he was.
Speaker:So what ended up happening is we got invited to youth
Speaker:group in the small town near where we lived. And it was
Speaker:my first time ever being in a church. And that was my first time hearing
Speaker:about Jesus and him dying. What kind of church was that? It was a
Speaker:pentecostal church. And so it was the first time I'd ever heard the gospel. Like,
Speaker:I didn't know anything about Jesus dying on the cross or things like that. And
Speaker:so I almost gave my life to Jesus, like, right then and there. But
Speaker:I actually waited a long time. I put it off for a very long time.
Speaker:How old were you at that point? I was still 14 at that point. So
Speaker:it was like a month after my dad left, because at that point I
Speaker:was in the school in town. And so the pastor's kid was
Speaker:actually in my class and had told them that, hey, someone in my class,
Speaker:it's not good. And so we got connected to
Speaker:church, and then my mom was like, we have a meeting with the
Speaker:pastor to see if this church works for us. And I was like, what do
Speaker:you mean, if this church works for us? And she's like, I've been a
Speaker:Christian this whole time. And so we went from being a non
Speaker:christian household to a christian household by October of that
Speaker:year, which was pretty wild. Your mom was a secret
Speaker:Christian? Yeah, she was.
Speaker:So you accepted Jesus. How has that
Speaker:influenced your relationship with your father and
Speaker:mother at that point? Did it change anything? So.
Speaker:It did. It did change a lot with my dad. I didn't tell
Speaker:him I was a Christian until, like, months later. You had some fear?
Speaker:Oh, yeah. Like, that's why I didn't accept Jesus right away,
Speaker:man. I was like, whoa, what will my dad think? Yeah. I'm like, what's
Speaker:dad going to think? But I've lost my mind. And so
Speaker:it was after going to Bible camp that summer, and then
Speaker:I had been actually serving in the church at Sunday school and a
Speaker:kids group. And then I just finally was like, oh, well, you know what? At
Speaker:this point, I probably should become a Christian. And I knew
Speaker:Jesus was real, so I was just like, I ripped off the band aid. And
Speaker:then it was months later I finally told my dad, and it was in
Speaker:an email. And I think, what did I write to him? It
Speaker:was really short. I was like, hey, dad, I'm a Christian now. I
Speaker:hope you don't hate me. Bye. Did you get a
Speaker:response? I did, and he's like, it's okay. I love
Speaker:you no matter what. But it drastically changed our
Speaker:relationship. In what ways? Well, I
Speaker:would talk about Jesus. I didn't see him that often either.
Speaker:So I think it's just a mix of everything. He's declining and
Speaker:with PTSD, one of the symptoms is that
Speaker:you are in survival mode. So, like fight or flight
Speaker:all the time. And what that means is you're only using one part of your
Speaker:brain. And so the part of your brain for connecting with people, building
Speaker:relationships and trust, and those emotions you're not using
Speaker:anymore. And the longer you do that, the harder it
Speaker:is to go back. And so my dad was just
Speaker:losing that ability to have emotions towards another person and
Speaker:to trust people. Now, you have a lot of
Speaker:knowledge of that stuff now, especially being in school and doing
Speaker:social work programs back then.
Speaker:What were you thinking as kids? Did you know he struggled with
Speaker:mental health? Did you learn on how that would affect him and on how
Speaker:it would affect you guys as a family? No. There was no resources
Speaker:then for families. We tried so hard to find family
Speaker:resources to explain it, but PTSD research was still pretty
Speaker:new, and so, yeah, you
Speaker:don't understand it. So I didn't understand that when I was
Speaker:14 to 18, it was very
Speaker:recent that I finally gone in and researched it
Speaker:enough to have that understanding of why it happened. But for me
Speaker:at the time, it just felt like my dad didn't love me anymore.
Speaker:And the worse it got, the more I felt this
Speaker:way. And so what ended up happening was
Speaker:I explain it. It was like a revolving door.
Speaker:So what would happen is we wouldn't talk for months, because
Speaker:I'm like, I want my dad to contact me first, and then I don't hear
Speaker:from him for months. And then at one point, I'm
Speaker:like, I forgive him. God is good. He'll bring him back in my
Speaker:life. I'll be a light, and then I contact him. And then we'd, like,
Speaker:go to a museum or something every once in a while and talk on the
Speaker:phone, and then it would get bad, and he'd
Speaker:start hurting my feelings, and I would be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm
Speaker:going to close the door. And then it would just start again.
Speaker:And it was like that for, like, ten years. So let's talk about some of
Speaker:those high school years after you got saved. Go through that time frame, for
Speaker:me, of what it was like just leading up into the next
Speaker:transition period. So, high school
Speaker:sucked. I made friends, but, oh,
Speaker:man, small towns, everyone knows everyone,
Speaker:and everyone knows everything. And so I experienced a lot
Speaker:of bullying again, it's being that misfit and that
Speaker:different kid, and I was quite an outspoken Christian without
Speaker:knowing how to be an outspoken Christian correctly,
Speaker:so that didn't help. But, yeah, I just didn't
Speaker:really have close friends in my actual grade class. And
Speaker:in a small town like the one we were in, you're with those people till
Speaker:you graduate. So I spent five years with people I didn't like, and
Speaker:so I was also, like, one of the smartest kids in the class and then
Speaker:a bit of a teacher's pet because I get along with adults a lot better
Speaker:than I do people my age always been like that. And so I
Speaker:was the weird kid, and even at youth group, I was the weird kid.
Speaker:I'm not putting anyone down. I'm not going to be like, I was the super
Speaker:Christian, but I was a little bit more invested in
Speaker:really loving Jesus. And I think part of that was I was so
Speaker:determined that God was going to use me, have
Speaker:my dad get saved. And then his PTSD would get healed, and everything would be
Speaker:okay. And so a lot happened there.
Speaker:And I spent most of my high school years feeling very much like
Speaker:on my own, with very intense anxiety and
Speaker:depression. And my family unit with my mom and
Speaker:my sister was also really strained. And
Speaker:so I just felt like all I had in the world was Jesus. And that
Speaker:was it. How was it strained? My sister and I reacted very
Speaker:differently. She didn't want a relationship with my dad, and I
Speaker:did. And then I ended up spending a lot of time
Speaker:with my mom, so it kind of became like she didn't really
Speaker:get as much attention. And
Speaker:so it was hard for us all. It's
Speaker:hurting. People hurt. And we all responded
Speaker:very differently. And I think we didn't have
Speaker:family around. We didn't really have that support system, and so
Speaker:it was really tricky. And you add mental health into stuff, and
Speaker:it's hard, especially then. People were just starting
Speaker:to talk about it and that it was okay to have it, but the stigma
Speaker:was still very strong. So recently, I
Speaker:didn't know it at the time because of how my dad
Speaker:treated me and then some other events
Speaker:at my church and with friends, like gossiping and bullying
Speaker:and stuff. It wasn't just anxiety, depression. I was developing
Speaker:what is called complex post traumatic stress disorder. And the only
Speaker:difference is, between the two is, for my dad, it's
Speaker:one event that traumatized him. It was being
Speaker:a soldier. But for a complex post traumatic stress
Speaker:disorder, this is more so experienced by people
Speaker:who have had adverse childhood experiences, trauma and
Speaker:trauma. And so it's because you just have repeated things that are very
Speaker:traumatic happening over and over
Speaker:and over again. And so your brain develops in
Speaker:survival mode. And so that's what I lived in
Speaker:for all of high school. That feeling of, like, who hates me? Did
Speaker:I do everything right? Am I going to be misunderstood? Oh, did I make
Speaker:a mistake? I don't want people to think I'm a bad christian. And just
Speaker:on and on and on. And so that was another part of the
Speaker:isolation for me. I didn't feel loved, and I didn't trust anybody,
Speaker:not even my own family at that point. So, small town,
Speaker:Saskatchewan, bullying at school, feeling like a
Speaker:misfit. That sounds like a formula for someone that would probably
Speaker:try to escape at some point. So where did
Speaker:that happen? When did that happen, and how did that happen? Well, one
Speaker:thing with my youth group is they're really connected to a bible college,
Speaker:and so we would go to youth retreat weekends
Speaker:once a year. Highlight of my year by the way, amazing
Speaker:experience. And so I decided that
Speaker:from 16 on, that I was going to go to that bible college and
Speaker:get completely healed and find my community of
Speaker:people and have friends for the rest of your life, like the
Speaker:idealistic. I just want to get out of here. And so
Speaker:I spent a summer working at the Bible camp I had first
Speaker:attended. I'd done that for many summers, and then
Speaker:I moved to this Bible college. That was right
Speaker:after graduation. Yeah, it was the year after graduation. I didn't take a year
Speaker:off. And so this also strained my dad's and I
Speaker:relationship quite a bit. What was it like when you told him you're going to
Speaker:Bible college? He didn't take that well. He didn't understand why I was
Speaker:wasting my money on something that wasn't going to get me a job. And
Speaker:so it was weird, actually. I tried to explain it to him, that
Speaker:it's like it's a year to find who you are, learn more about God, decide
Speaker:what you want to do with your life. And then apparently he had a coworker
Speaker:that was a Christian, and so he was talking to his coworker, and his coworker
Speaker:was the one that helped my dad accept it. There's always
Speaker:those double agents amongst us, aren't there? Yeah.
Speaker:I still pray for that person regularly. I don't know who they are, but I'm
Speaker:like, hey, listen, you're the only light in my dad's life I know of right
Speaker:now. He's on you. I'm going to pray for you.
Speaker:So what was it like being in Bible college for that first
Speaker:little bit? Well, it was
Speaker:not what I expected and not the good way. Well, what did you
Speaker:expect? I expected to be accepted by people and not be
Speaker:the misfit anymore, and that didn't happen.
Speaker:And I had an absolute mental breakdown, actually, when I first
Speaker:went, and that's because of my experience with trauma, and I didn't know
Speaker:that at the time. Which, by the way,
Speaker:is one of the reasons why we do trauma care training at care impact,
Speaker:is we believe these organizations, church organizations, should
Speaker:all have this trauma care training because there's young people like
Speaker:Danika coming into these situations with trauma, and they don't know how to handle
Speaker:it. But that's just a sidebar. Yeah, we'll just keep going.
Speaker:Quick plug there for trauma care. It's not been until recent
Speaker:years, talking to some people that I went to Bible school with, that I realized
Speaker:that the idea that they didn't like me was just in my head, and
Speaker:that the anxiety I felt was just what I felt.
Speaker:But, yeah, you have trauma responses. You protect yourself.
Speaker:All I knew was people hurting me and being afraid
Speaker:and all these different things. And so that made it really difficult to
Speaker:be at Bible college. And the only thing that really was great is
Speaker:that I just wasn't at home. And I did have
Speaker:three people that I ended up getting really close to. And so I did have
Speaker:a small group of friends, and so I'm still friends with them today, and I'm
Speaker:really thankful for them. They've been people that have walked through
Speaker:most of my discovery of what trauma
Speaker:is and honestly, in helping me to accept the things that
Speaker:have happened to me and to move forward and stuff. But at the
Speaker:time, it was awful, and I
Speaker:was really struggling and feeling like I was on my own still, and
Speaker:it was just me and Jesus. And so it actually really. The one thing
Speaker:that really came out of that whole transition period and
Speaker:even, like high school, was that I wasn't going to God as a
Speaker:father. That was not happening. But I went to him as my friend,
Speaker:and so I knew his voice well, and I knew he
Speaker:loved me. I just knew all things would work out
Speaker:because of romans eight. Summarize Romans eight.
Speaker:So the section of Romans eight is like. It's like
Speaker:living that spirit filled life, which was like, I wanted that. I wanted to walk
Speaker:with God in that way. But specifically, the chapter on
Speaker:love, where it's like, you're no longer a slave,
Speaker:you're loved by God. And you're like, I think that does talk about adoption
Speaker:in some point into his family, and then the way that
Speaker:nothing can separate you from the love of God. And then
Speaker:also, all things work out for the good and for the glory of
Speaker:God, for those who love him, and knowing that all I needed
Speaker:to do in any situation was love God, and that's it. And then
Speaker:just trust him. It would work out for his glory. And
Speaker:that got me through high school, and that got me through my year at Bible
Speaker:college is just every time I felt anxious or depressed
Speaker:or just something happened, I would just be like, I just need to keep
Speaker:loving God. And then that just got me through. So we're coming
Speaker:close to the point where I get to meet you, but we're going to save
Speaker:that for the next episode. If we can end the episode
Speaker:by me asking you, if you had to give your 18 year old self
Speaker:any piece of advice going back as you
Speaker:entered Bible college, what would that be?
Speaker:It's not so much advice because I'm really
Speaker:thankful for next episode, you'll figure out why. I'm really
Speaker:thankful for how that year did play out. I would say it's okay to be
Speaker:a misfit. Embrace it. I would also tell her that the
Speaker:program you ended up taking is what God wanted you to
Speaker:do and you do figure out why. And then I'd also say I also
Speaker:wouldn't change a thing. I'm very thankful for everything that will end up
Speaker:happening and all the hard stuff and the good stuff. And
Speaker:there's more reassurance. And the decisions I make going forward
Speaker:all work out and that God does answer our prayers and
Speaker:it's going to be okay and that we're going to get where we want to
Speaker:be. Thanks for sharing your story. Looking forward to next
Speaker:chapter because that's the chapter that I get excited about because I get to meet
Speaker:you. Yeah, it's a lot less like
Speaker:depressing at that point.
Speaker:Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with care,
Speaker:where we inspire curious Canadians on their path of faith
Speaker:and living life with purpose in community. Journey with Care is
Speaker:an initiative of Care Impact, a canadian charity dedicated to
Speaker:connecting and equipping the whole church to journey well in community.
Speaker:You can visit their website at Careimpact CA or visit
Speaker:Journeywithcare CA to get more information on weekly episodes,
Speaker:journey with prayer, and details about our upcoming events and
Speaker:meetups. You can also leave us a message, share your thoughts,
Speaker:and connect with like minded individuals who are on their own journeys of
Speaker:faith and purpose. Thank you for sharing this podcast and helping
Speaker:these stories reach the community. Together we can explore ways to
Speaker:journey in a good way and always remember to stay
Speaker:curious. You
Speaker:our you
Speaker:close.
