Chosen and Cherished: Adoption and Belonging | Jo-Anne Leighton
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Description
We are joined in studio with our guest, Jo-Anne Leighton as we delve into the complexities of growing up as an adopted child, feeling different, and finding acceptance. Jo-Ann shares her personal story of being adopted at six weeks old, her feelings of not fitting in with her adoptive family, and the eventual connection she found with her biological siblings. We discuss the importance of authenticity, inclusivity, and the role of supportive communities in overcoming prejudice and fostering belonging. They also touch on societal issues, such as racial and religious diversity, emphasizing the need to teach children acceptance and love for their neighbours.
Time Stamps
[00:00] Wendy Park introduces upcoming exciting project.
[05:47] Parents adopted me due to infertility and depression.
[08:28] Your coaching brings positive confidence and impact.
[12:11] Understanding differences as gifts, showcasing positive impact.
[16:45] Embracing resilience and selflessness in parenting.
[20:33] Belonging and family, embracing diversity and inclusiveness.
[25:46] Valuable impact of authenticity on adoption journey.
[26:55] Unaware of systemic power until it's lost.
[31:37] Our value from being made in God's image.
[35:27] Adopted babies have questions about belonging.
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Transcript
What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
Speaker:is Journey with Care, where curious Canadians get inspired to
Speaker:love others well through real life stories and honest
Speaker:conversations.
Speaker:Welcome listeners to another curious episode of Journey with Care.
Speaker:I'm your host, Wendy Park. And today, our producer and co host,
Speaker:Johan, will not be joining me in studio today because he's working
Speaker:on a special project our team has been keeping a bit of a secret.
Speaker:And I have a hard time keeping secrets, so you'll be hearing more about it
Speaker:in the coming weeks, and and it will be available this fall. But
Speaker:let's just say small groups don't have to be boring. They don't need to
Speaker:guilt you or force a fake Christian smile. You wanna be
Speaker:real, and you wanna be inspired, and you want conversations
Speaker:that matter, that move your church into community without being weird about
Speaker:it, if you know what I mean. Not because you have to care, but
Speaker:you get to care. So stay tuned. We've got you. It's a new
Speaker:opportunity that you will wanna get your hands on coming this fall,
Speaker:and you're gonna hear more about it in the weeks to come. Well, today,
Speaker:I'm thrilled to have a special guest with us in our Shasta studio,
Speaker:Joanne Layton. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. It's great to be
Speaker:here. It is so good to have you. We're sitting here sipping our coffee
Speaker:in the Shasta. One of those cold rainy days, so if people are hearing
Speaker:the pitter patter of rain, it's just part of the ambiance here.
Speaker:So, Joanne, I remember meeting you several years ago through our daughter
Speaker:who you coached as a basketball coach. Do you remember
Speaker:that? I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. What a year that was. It
Speaker:was incredible. Yeah. And tell me a little bit more.
Speaker:I think you guys won, I know that, in the province. Right? You got
Speaker:yeah. Yeah. That was the year we won junior varsity provincials.
Speaker:Mhmm. And it was a first for the little private school, and,
Speaker:that was quite exciting. And and I saw your
Speaker:enthusiasm on the court and the way you poured into these teenage
Speaker:girls and put yourself out there. It was so inspiring. What
Speaker:I also didn't realize right away, but I learned
Speaker:through our daughter, who was also adopted as a teenager, is that
Speaker:you also have an adoption story. I do. Which was
Speaker:really special that you were also mentoring our daughter, which,
Speaker:meant a lot to us. Yeah. I was adopted
Speaker:at 6 weeks old. I was in the foster care, but, my
Speaker:parents were able to adopt me at 6 weeks old. So I
Speaker:grew up basically in a stable family. I mean,
Speaker:adoption is interesting because you're a kid in a family,
Speaker:but you don't look like your family. And you're trying to figure out
Speaker:who you are. Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have
Speaker:you know, there's this nurture nature Mhmm. Thing. I am
Speaker:so different than my parents. In what way? Well, I like sports.
Speaker:And they're not athletes? They're not athletes. They
Speaker:didn't grow up playing sports, maybe baseball.
Speaker:My mom loved to watch baseball, and my dad did too. And so I grew
Speaker:up watching baseball, but that inspired me
Speaker:to wanna do more. And I remember as a child watching
Speaker:the Olympics and thinking, I'm gonna go to the Olympics someday. Of
Speaker:course, that didn't happen. But, Oh, that's exciting. And you grew up here in the
Speaker:Winnipeg area? Yes. I grew up in Winnipeg. Tell me a
Speaker:little bit more about your family. We've heard a little bit about your
Speaker:childhood, and I wanna go back there. You live here with your family. You have
Speaker:some children. I heard about grandchildren as well. Mhmm. Tell us a little
Speaker:bit about that. Yeah. I have 3 daughters,
Speaker:and, you know, I'm married to a wonderful man, and, my
Speaker:oldest daughter has 2 grandchildren, a boy and a girl, and,
Speaker:they're athletic as well. They're into hockey. Not basketball,
Speaker:but hockey's okay. So it's very
Speaker:exciting to watch them because they have
Speaker:like, they know who their grandparents are. They know who their parents are. And, you
Speaker:know, as a natural born child, you know those things. As an
Speaker:adopted child, you don't. Right. I'm curious how that was for
Speaker:you becoming a mother, having your own adoption
Speaker:story, and learning about your journey, but then now having
Speaker:birth children and raising them, did that bring up different
Speaker:emotions or different questions of your own journey as you
Speaker:were raising them? I think when I had
Speaker:my first daughter, at that point is when I
Speaker:really became curious and I wrote to child and
Speaker:family services and asked them was there
Speaker:any background health information or you know, something
Speaker:I should know because I'm raising my own child now. Right.
Speaker:And they gave me none of that information. However, they
Speaker:did say that I had 4 sisters.
Speaker:Okay. And that was quite a shock.
Speaker:And were you able to connect with them at all, or you haven't yet? Oh,
Speaker:yeah. Okay. It's actually quite a interesting story,
Speaker:but, yes, I have connected with them and, I have 2
Speaker:twin sisters and another sister.
Speaker:And then I've recently
Speaker:well, recent, it's been about 10 years probably found another
Speaker:sister who's actually younger than me. But there's one sister we
Speaker:don't know, so the rest of us have all met. Okay. But,
Speaker:can you take us back to the beginning of your adoption story? So you said
Speaker:that you were adopted at 6 weeks out of foster care.
Speaker:And do you know what led to your adoption
Speaker:or some of these circumstances how your parents found you?
Speaker:Well, interestingly enough,
Speaker:what I know about that is that my mom and dad wanted to have
Speaker:a child and that wasn't happening. My mom was
Speaker:depressed and the doctor suggested that they
Speaker:adopted a child. Mhmm. So I don't know that that would
Speaker:happen nowadays, but back then, you know,
Speaker:that was one of their remedies for depression.
Speaker:Mhmm. So, I came into their life and, you know, they
Speaker:gave me everything. You know, I had a a really good life. The
Speaker:only thing is I did not look like them and I could not
Speaker:understand that. As a child in,
Speaker:I guess, middle school, I got called names
Speaker:and stuff like that. I was probably
Speaker:one of the only people, like, I look at pictures of my
Speaker:friends when we were children and I had 4 good
Speaker:friends. So there was 5 of us that hung out together, and they were
Speaker:all very white children. Then there was me,
Speaker:who had dark curly hair and tanned in the
Speaker:summer like crazy. I was always like,
Speaker:I was I did did not look the same. Beautiful child, but
Speaker:But I I just didn't look the same. I just didn't have,
Speaker:I guess, the you know, neighborhoods were different back then.
Speaker:I was an oddball in that sense. So no one
Speaker:had to tell you that people did say that as well, you you mentioned,
Speaker:But you could look in the mirror, and you just Oh, yeah. Felt that there
Speaker:was something different. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I didn't have any
Speaker:traits of my parents. I don't look like my parents.
Speaker:Mhmm. And, certainly, that was
Speaker:something that I was always curious about. And was that story of
Speaker:your adoption very openly talked about? How did you
Speaker:come into understanding yourself and accepting yourself for who
Speaker:you are? My parents always told me I was adopted. Okay. And they
Speaker:always told me that they chose me, which is not what every parent gets
Speaker:to do with their children. You You just get what you get.
Speaker:I was chosen. So, you know, I always did feel
Speaker:special in that way. I know, you know, they had they had
Speaker:people telling them that, oh, you shouldn't adopt a child. I'm gonna run
Speaker:away when I'm older, and I'm gonna be, you know, horrible because
Speaker:I'm not their flesh and blood and blah blah blah. But,
Speaker:they totally, totally,
Speaker:like, I I don't see any difference between my relationship with my
Speaker:children and their relationship with me. They just,
Speaker:this is our child. And I guess that really contributed to your
Speaker:security. Because when I interact with you and when you were coaching there and
Speaker:you're just, like, going and and doing such a great job of coaching, I
Speaker:see nothing but a positive confidence in who you
Speaker:are. And that's why you wouldn't see any insecurities. But
Speaker:growing up, I imagine you had a lot to work through to get to where
Speaker:you are today and, really impact other people's
Speaker:lives and teenagers particular. You've been working years in in
Speaker:coaching teenagers. I imagine all of that work you've
Speaker:done really helps draw out the best in others
Speaker:too. I hope so. I mean, that's always been my goal. My goal has
Speaker:always been to pass on something more than
Speaker:what I have to the people that I get to interact
Speaker:with, especially in coaching, either to teach them
Speaker:more, to have them do better than I could have ever done. Yeah.
Speaker:And to me, that's where I find my satisfaction.
Speaker:Mhmm. You know, kids are so vulnerable. And,
Speaker:you know, over the years, you have kids tell you things that they probably wouldn't
Speaker:tell their parents, you know, Wendi you're able to speak into their lives
Speaker:and, that's very rewarding, you know. And
Speaker:sometimes kids are they have their interesting
Speaker:side where they just don't wanna listen or do something. And, you
Speaker:know, it's it's interesting to try to pull out what's going on
Speaker:and and just to try to help them through
Speaker:overcome their own self doubt, their own Yeah. Yeah. So
Speaker:I've I've I've enjoyed coaching in that aspect.
Speaker:And to me, I love to win. I'm very competitive.
Speaker:Hey. And it shows you you get championships. So there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker:Yeah. So but it's not about winning and losing
Speaker:in a game to me. It's about winning and losing in life. Like, you
Speaker:want to bring out the
Speaker:best in people and to be able to pull those
Speaker:things, those gems that they have that maybe they don't even know Mhmm.
Speaker:About the way they do something. And, you know, I've coached kids where
Speaker:they have absolutely no basketball skill
Speaker:until they've come to practice, you know, for the first time.
Speaker:And I'll never forget one one girl.
Speaker:All she had to do was grab the ball, turn and shoot, and she did
Speaker:that all year. She finally scored while the whole
Speaker:bench erupted in such cheers Yeah. That it was
Speaker:amazing. And to me, that was victory. Yeah. Because
Speaker:the whole team was with us, like, with her,
Speaker:with us, and she succeeded. And it was just
Speaker:really, really a cool experience. No. I can only
Speaker:imagine how gratifying that would be. And can
Speaker:you see that being a case in your life growing up when you
Speaker:were a teenager and looking for your identity and and trying to find that
Speaker:security? Who were the people that were your coaches on the bench
Speaker:or that helped you pivot when life was hard? And what kind of
Speaker:characteristics did they have that helped you? Well, one of the, I
Speaker:when I was a a youth, I would go to Youth For Christ. And
Speaker:one of the, leaders there was also adopted.
Speaker:Okay. Really, really
Speaker:spoke into my life and was able to help me find things
Speaker:about myself that I didn't know and draw those out and
Speaker:encourage me, build me up.
Speaker:So I would say most of my those teenage
Speaker:years, you know, high school was was youth for
Speaker:Christ. It really had a an impact on my life.
Speaker:And it's interesting too. One of the first things you told me was this
Speaker:person was also adopted. And and some might people say when you
Speaker:have maybe a an untraditional upbringing or
Speaker:you have certain things that aren't like the rest. You you
Speaker:said when you're younger, there were things that you knew you were different.
Speaker:But how some of those very things, whether it's adoption
Speaker:or other conditions that stand people apart,
Speaker:those are actually the greatest gifts. Right?
Speaker:How God can use some things that feel
Speaker:like flaws or, like, injustice or some things
Speaker:that don't feel fair. Right? But how god
Speaker:can use that to bring out the best in other people and to
Speaker:speak life, I think. And that's what we're seeing on the court as well Yeah.
Speaker:These teenagers. Yeah. And it's it's something that you
Speaker:can't put your finger on. When I had my
Speaker:first child, I met my twin
Speaker:sisters, and one of them was living in
Speaker:Toronto at the time, and my husband is from Toronto originally. So
Speaker:we went to Toronto and I met her.
Speaker:I actually had met her in Winnipeg. I should just back up a little bit.
Speaker:I had met her in Winnipeg, but she had a a young child at the
Speaker:time too, who was not happy to be out of her comfort
Speaker:zone and was, you know, not, we didn't really get a visit.
Speaker:Mhmm. So when we went to Toronto once, I phoned her up and I said,
Speaker:can I come visit you? And so we did.
Speaker:And well, it was just me at the time. And so I went
Speaker:there, I left my daughter with my, with her
Speaker:grandparents on my husband's side. And
Speaker:we went down to Toronto and I'm sitting in her living room with her and
Speaker:we're just talking. And, you know, there's a
Speaker:saying that blood runs thicker than water. Like, I have
Speaker:never wanted to know so much about a person before as
Speaker:when I met her. It's just the weirdest thing.
Speaker:And we realized we liked a lot of the same things,
Speaker:and some of the things were strange. Like so we went
Speaker:shopping, and we're at a a sewing fabric store.
Speaker:Okay. And they had this whole box of buttons.
Speaker:And both of us beelined for the buttons, and we're looking at them. And
Speaker:we kind of both looked up at each other and said, do you like buttons?
Speaker:And she said, yes. Do you? And I went, yes. That's weird.
Speaker:Oh, that's so cool. But suddenly, there was somebody
Speaker:who had something in
Speaker:them that was genetic and was the same as
Speaker:me. I mean, I don't particularly think we look alike.
Speaker:However, she lives close to me and we shop
Speaker:at the same grocery store. And one of my friends who worked at that grocery
Speaker:store said, is your sister living around
Speaker:here? And I looked at her and I went, yes. And she says, I
Speaker:think I saw her. Oh. So So they recognized. They recognized.
Speaker:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was the first time ever
Speaker:that, I sort of realized that there
Speaker:are people that look like me. Yeah. So I'm curious
Speaker:based on all that you've said and just your own personal experience,
Speaker:what gives you a sense of belonging? Buttons are
Speaker:one of those things. Yeah. I mean, with my with my
Speaker:sisters, the things that we have in common, you
Speaker:know, give me a sense of belonging to them. But I think, you know,
Speaker:with my parents, the fact
Speaker:that they chose me, you know, they, they said they
Speaker:chose me and with my family, their side of the
Speaker:family, they've accepted me. Like
Speaker:I'm my mom and dad's daughter. Like they, they have not ever
Speaker:wavered from that. And even when I go there now, my parents have both passed,
Speaker:but, when I talked to my relatives, I'm their
Speaker:daughter. Yeah. And I feel like I have a family that I belong
Speaker:to, and that's one family. My second
Speaker:family, which is my genetic family, you
Speaker:know, I belong there too. So I think that
Speaker:that's, you know, something that
Speaker:maybe not a lot of people can relate to. Right. And sometimes you don't wanna
Speaker:I mean, sometimes finding out your genetic family is scary because
Speaker:you don't know it might be something you don't wanna find out. And they can
Speaker:be messy stories. Right? It comes out of tragedy It can. And
Speaker:grief as well. Like, we can't dismiss that piece of
Speaker:it as well, and there's a lot of resilience too and
Speaker:doing the right things so that you could have a flourishing life and
Speaker:and selflessness involved with that as well. I can
Speaker:only speak as an adoptive mom, to several
Speaker:children, and I've never wanted my
Speaker:children to hear me say, this is my adopted child. This is
Speaker:my foster child. This is my c section child. Like,
Speaker:what's the difference? Right? They're all my children.
Speaker:And and sometimes when of course, people in our inner circle,
Speaker:they know our circumstances of of the the arrangements.
Speaker:However, I know sometimes strangers
Speaker:look at me sideways and say, these are your children. Or and we
Speaker:go to a restaurant, these are your children. They assume we're at different tables,
Speaker:and I don't give them explanation because Right. I feel like they're my
Speaker:children. Yeah. Why should you? It's it's the question, like, are those
Speaker:your real parents? Yeah. Like, are those your real children? Like
Speaker:those quest kind of questions. If my birth mother,
Speaker:you know, if I grew up with her, I would
Speaker:be her child and there'd be no question. Right. Cause I didn't and
Speaker:I looked different than my parents. You know, people often
Speaker:ask, are those your real parents? And I'm like,
Speaker:yes. Yeah. In every way, shape, and form. Yeah. Why would you
Speaker:even ask that question? Like, it doesn't make sense.
Speaker:But one of the things, when I was with my sister
Speaker:in Toronto, we were talking and we realized
Speaker:that we actually grew up 2 streets
Speaker:away from each other. And we didn't know that
Speaker:until that moment. And, we worked at the same drugstore
Speaker:and we played with the same kids. So I would have played with her as
Speaker:a child. Wow. And my mom always said,
Speaker:like, I think the people she thought that
Speaker:there was someone in the neighborhood who she thought maybe it was my
Speaker:birth mother. Okay. It wasn't, but it was the people who adopted
Speaker:my sister. And my sister looked like me. We went to the same
Speaker:elementary school. Anyway, we're sitting in our in
Speaker:her living room in Toronto, and she said when she was
Speaker:9, they moved. Oh, where did you move? And so she told
Speaker:me, and she says, by the way, what was your last name
Speaker:before you were married? Because she only knew me as Mary. So I told her
Speaker:what my last name was, and she goes, oh, I had a teacher by that
Speaker:name. And I went, you're kidding. We're boats. So she
Speaker:told me, and I went, oh my goodness. That's my uncle. Like,
Speaker:my my dad Wow. People who raised me Yeah. That's his brother.
Speaker:Wow. And, she she then kinda turns pale, and she
Speaker:goes, oh my goodness. Then I've lived with your first cousin. Turns
Speaker:out, she had met all my family. Wow. And they
Speaker:didn't know she was my sister. What a small world. It
Speaker:was it was amazing. And the one thing and I have to appreciate this
Speaker:about my mom. She said, you know, the one thing I
Speaker:would love to do for you is give you a sibling, and I can't.
Speaker:And, you know, I as a kid, I always I was grew up an only
Speaker:child, and I always prayed for a sibling. And
Speaker:my mom would then she took my sister and
Speaker:her family. She would invite them for Christmas and stuff like that. So she got
Speaker:to know them. They would come over and she said,
Speaker:you know, I'm so happy that you have a sister. So one thing I couldn't
Speaker:do for you, but now you've got it. So something happens to us.
Speaker:You've got siblings. Like, we're just like,
Speaker:like, that's the way it should be Right. As far as I'm
Speaker:concerned. But, you know, I know not everybody gets that.
Speaker:But I wonder if we could all get that. It's not so inaccessible
Speaker:if we had a posture of maybe coloring outside the
Speaker:lines a little and what belonging looks like, coloring outside the
Speaker:lines a little about what family is. Right? And there should
Speaker:be papers or no papers. This isn't about ownership of
Speaker:children. Like, there are properties, but stewarding the village.
Speaker:I think, wouldn't it be cool if every
Speaker:Joanne, who's figuring out who they are with the curly hair, knew that
Speaker:they had aunties and uncles and grandmas and grandpas and sisters and
Speaker:brothers and cousins within her own
Speaker:ecosystem that she felt belonging, not othered by
Speaker:because they didn't quite know how to place you. Because it really had nothing
Speaker:to do with you and your story. It had more to do with their
Speaker:apprehensions and their rigid thinking. Can you speak
Speaker:to our listeners about what it could look like for
Speaker:each one of us, and particularly within the church, to
Speaker:be that safe person, to be that person that extends belonging,
Speaker:but also receives belonging. It's it's a two way thing. Right?
Speaker:What could that look like if we did that? Well, I think it could
Speaker:look beautiful. But I think I think as
Speaker:people, we need to put aside our own
Speaker:prejudices, our own preconceived ideas,
Speaker:our own insecurities. The world
Speaker:today is can be a hard place.
Speaker:Maybe more so in the US, but, you know, there's so many
Speaker:racial tensions. I think we're just more passive aggressive
Speaker:about it here. I agree. I agree. It's not that it's not here, but you
Speaker:just hear about it more Yeah. In the US. You know, like, if you're
Speaker:a black man in the US and you get arrested, you know, you're not
Speaker:gonna have Yeah. Likely the same consideration
Speaker:given to you as if you were a white man of the same age being
Speaker:arrested. Or people assume things, and I know that happened with,
Speaker:somebody that I had hired to work at a company, and they
Speaker:got stopped by the police here in Canada Yeah. And assumed that the
Speaker:police assumed that he had stolen the car. And, you
Speaker:know, it just wasn't true. Yeah. But I think if we can
Speaker:put those things aside and we can look at as a
Speaker:family, look at families as
Speaker:the parts that they are now even in a fully
Speaker:natural family, you can have the oddball child Mhmm. Who got
Speaker:the traits of, you know, their great uncle,
Speaker:whoever, from twice removed from, you know
Speaker:Now you're speaking to me. I'm that oddball child. There you
Speaker:go. But when you when you are that oddball child,
Speaker:you know, when you might not feel that you belong, I think to
Speaker:have other people look at you and to go, well,
Speaker:you're part of this family and not you're the oddball part of this family.
Speaker:Mhmm. You know, if you don't have those even if you are weird. Yeah. I
Speaker:mean, you know, weird isn't necessarily bad. No. It's great.
Speaker:Because of it. Yeah. Because those are the things that
Speaker:make the world go round, and they're the people that are
Speaker:often the creative ones that are And I wonder too.
Speaker:There's there's weird in all of us. Exactly. But are we willing to show it?
Speaker:Are we willing to put our authentic self out there? And and when
Speaker:I've seen the most genuine relationships of belonging,
Speaker:people can drop the masks, and they can be weird,
Speaker:and and still that it doesn't take away their security or their
Speaker:belonging or their worth. I think we should all be weird a little
Speaker:together. With you. I agree with you. Like, let's be weird together. I mean,
Speaker:it's it's awesome. I'm I'm sure half the kids I coach
Speaker:think I'm weird. But maybe that's what makes you accessible and makes
Speaker:you feel like you are a human cheering for them because I
Speaker:see you there on the court cheering for these kids and just
Speaker:putting your authentic self out there. What a gift. You are a mother
Speaker:and auntie to so many in that way. Yeah. And
Speaker:it's it's been it's been an exciting run. I'm not gonna
Speaker:lie. It's been, like, I have no regrets. I
Speaker:think I'm blessed more than a lot of people
Speaker:are at, you know, just in the way I grew up, in the parents I
Speaker:have, in the blood siblings that I have,
Speaker:and, you know, just with my own family.
Speaker:I'm blessed. I have no regrets whatsoever.
Speaker:Well and I can tell you're you're living a very contented,
Speaker:peace loving life. It is. And you could have
Speaker:chosen a different path. Oh, I could have. Actually, in high school,
Speaker:I could have chosen very differently. I mean, I was going
Speaker:down that path. Mhmm. But, you know, just having
Speaker:people around me, like I say, that one, person for me is
Speaker:for Christ who really impacted my life. I don't know quite where
Speaker:I'd be without that. Yeah. And having people who did
Speaker:believe in me and who were able to
Speaker:sort of readjust the path that was taken.
Speaker:Yeah. And I think that's something valuable to take in here that
Speaker:I'm noticing that not everybody has it
Speaker:on their journey to adopt a child or to be
Speaker:adopted. However, there's so many ways
Speaker:that people need to be their authentic self in whomever's
Speaker:life they they encounter, that it has tremendous impact.
Speaker:It's not in solely adopting children, but
Speaker:being that mentor, being that presence, being that
Speaker:person that just doesn't withholds judgment. Right? Even if
Speaker:they they feel like they can't contribute into the lives or the or
Speaker:connect with the lives of others, but withholding judgment.
Speaker:Because you were mentioning before about prejudice,
Speaker:and I think a common misconception is like,
Speaker:well, I'm not racist, or I
Speaker:don't hold anything against that type of person,
Speaker:you name it, whether it's a neurodiversity or,
Speaker:whatever. And yet are you familiar with Jahari Window?
Speaker:Anyway, there's lots of blind spots that people have. Maybe we'll put it
Speaker:into the show notes. And we don't know what we don't know,
Speaker:but other people can see it. You saw the prejudice in others because you walked
Speaker:the street with beautiful curly hair and a tan skin. And
Speaker:you knew at a 6 year old level, you knew
Speaker:when you belonged or not. But that white
Speaker:grandma didn't know she was racist, most likely.
Speaker:And the and the the attitude, and the glance, and the words that she
Speaker:spoke, or those children on the playground. And there there's
Speaker:things that, we just don't know. And systemically,
Speaker:we just don't know that we hold power until that power is taken away
Speaker:from us. We just can't even know when we're in a position of power.
Speaker:But those the racial minorities or the ones that are being othered,
Speaker:they know. So I say that not to guilt
Speaker:us and to paralyze us from extending a a
Speaker:hand and and to to build relationship. But I think
Speaker:what we could take from this is that if I were
Speaker:with you when you were that little child, I could've
Speaker:probably just listened and
Speaker:learned from you. You know, kudos to my friends. I said
Speaker:I grew up with 4 other Yeah. Girls.
Speaker:They never thought of me as different.
Speaker:Mhmm. You know, as to this day, we're still
Speaker:friends. Oh, that's so cool. And, we get together every now and then.
Speaker:Mhmm. You know, we all sort of have different
Speaker:lives, but, we generally get together every
Speaker:now and then for their acceptance. I mean, I I
Speaker:feel totally blessed and lucky. And that's
Speaker:encouraging too because in a society that
Speaker:you may not feel it from everybody, 5
Speaker:friends can make all the difference. Right? Exactly.
Speaker:Yeah. And everybody needs Wendi. For kids to be
Speaker:friends to the ones who, you know, are standing on the playground
Speaker:alone or to, sort of pull them into their
Speaker:group is so important and
Speaker:something that, you know, we should teach children our
Speaker:children to do. Although, you know, it's very
Speaker:difficult because if they're a little different and,
Speaker:you know, perhaps parents may
Speaker:have different thoughts about a friend their
Speaker:child has Mhmm. Than the child having that
Speaker:friend. I mean, that's what movies are made about.
Speaker:Yeah. You know, it it it's it's tough, you know, if we can just
Speaker:set aside our differences and lay
Speaker:aside everything that trips us up and run that race before us. You know,
Speaker:it's, it's something that I think
Speaker:as, you know, communities, we need to
Speaker:learn to get a grip on our differences
Speaker:or think about why we think people are
Speaker:different if that's, you know, a problem. And, you know,
Speaker:really reach into yourself and figure it out. And sometimes, you
Speaker:know, people, you know, they're of a different religion. Yeah. And that's a
Speaker:tough one. Yeah. It's like I know, you know, I
Speaker:coach at a Christian private school and there's lots
Speaker:of Islamic people who go to it. Mhmm. And I
Speaker:was thinking about it this year and I was thinking, why don't Christians go
Speaker:to Islamic schools?
Speaker:And I just thought, I wonder if there's any that
Speaker:do because I don't know. Right. It's just something I was thinking about,
Speaker:and it may be because the
Speaker:Islamic schools don't want the Christians to come there. I don't know if that's the
Speaker:reason, but it could be. Yeah. But anyway, welcoming
Speaker:all these Islamic kids is,
Speaker:pretty awesome because they're pretty great kids. Yeah. You know, I
Speaker:have grown to just their
Speaker:kids. They Yeah. In in my case, they play basketball
Speaker:and we're we're a team. So what does that mean? It
Speaker:means everybody is valuable. Everybody has a
Speaker:place. Yeah. It may not be the same job on the
Speaker:team, but everybody has that place. You know,
Speaker:there's the person who takes up the ball. Well, there's the person
Speaker:who plays under the basket. They can't do the same
Speaker:things because, generally, the person who brings the ball is
Speaker:short, shorter than the person under the basket. Like, they can't
Speaker:do the same job. Doesn't make them any less of a part of the
Speaker:team. Right. It makes them part of something as
Speaker:a whole. Well and and it goes to the the point of we
Speaker:are all created by creator
Speaker:in the image of God, have inherent value
Speaker:and are beloved. Not because we attend the
Speaker:right religious institution or we follow
Speaker:the right flanograph Jesus, But by grace, we have
Speaker:been saved, not as fire insurance, but
Speaker:as a way of adding flourishing and life and vitality. Yes. We
Speaker:believe in Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life, but not to lord
Speaker:it over others or other ourselves or other others,
Speaker:so to speak, but that we're all made in the image of God.
Speaker:And Jesus said it so well. All you have to like, there's all these laws
Speaker:that we get tripped up about. But what do we have to do at the
Speaker:end of the day? Love God, keep your eyes up, and love your
Speaker:neighbor as yourself, not if they look the same as
Speaker:you, if they go to this the the right religion, if they it's none of
Speaker:our business. It's above our pay grade. Right. Exactly. If Jesus finds them, and I
Speaker:believe Jesus has more superpowers than me to bring them into the kingdom of
Speaker:God, life would be so much simpler. It would be. And
Speaker:maybe that's why he said it. He's like, quit stressing out about all those
Speaker:things. I've got this. You know, I think that's so true. I
Speaker:mean, we all have a place at the table, and
Speaker:we all need to do our part in that
Speaker:place. If everybody could get on board with that,
Speaker:there would be a lot less angst. Yeah.
Speaker:People are people. We're all humans. We belong to the same human
Speaker:race. And, yes, it is a race and there we are
Speaker:competitive. Yeah. But the point is we are part of the same
Speaker:team, no matter what we look like or no mother, no matter what our
Speaker:background is, we're running towards a goal.
Speaker:And, you know, everybody has different goals, and we need to
Speaker:appreciate that, to accept that. Because when the community
Speaker:flourishes, we all flourish. Right? So we
Speaker:wanna do things for the betterment of community, for each other, for
Speaker:our neighbor, because when they do well, we all do better.
Speaker:So I think it just stands to reason
Speaker:that we want to care for others, not
Speaker:for selfish reasons because we just all want to get through
Speaker:this race in a good way. Yeah. And there is a finish
Speaker:line. Yeah. One day we'll find it. I
Speaker:feel we're we're getting closer to that, you and I, than than our kids.
Speaker:Absolutely. Absolutely. But, you know, wrenches
Speaker:get thrown in along the way and, you may come up
Speaker:against some really hard times, but the point
Speaker:is, you know, to keep going. It takes a village to raise a
Speaker:child. I mean, that's we've heard that so many times, but it really
Speaker:does. It does. It really does because, you
Speaker:know, I've always my my girls have had somebody
Speaker:who they would, you know, if they couldn't confide in me, which, you know,
Speaker:for for whatever reason, they had somebody to go to.
Speaker:And to me, that's village part of
Speaker:raising children because it does take a village to raise a child. And I think
Speaker:that's also a word of encouragement to caregivers and and
Speaker:parental caregivers that you don't have to have it all.
Speaker:Look for aunties and uncles and aunts, grandmas and grandpas,
Speaker:to graft into your family. You weren't created to do it
Speaker:all, and I think that's that's a too high of a standard we have for
Speaker:ourself that isn't even good for anyone. Right. Yeah. Case
Speaker:in point, if, you know, another family has adopted a child,
Speaker:even though you've adopted a child, you don't know what it's like to be the
Speaker:adopted child. You know, there's people out there that
Speaker:can address that. Yeah. Some might argue that if you were
Speaker:adopted as a baby, well, then you don't know any better or that you you
Speaker:didn't have trauma through that separation. But
Speaker:that needs to be demystified because you will grow
Speaker:up asking those questions and still needing that
Speaker:inherent need for belonging that you you are enough, you are
Speaker:beloved, and those question marks that you didn't have a choice
Speaker:in, those still need to be unpacked no matter what
Speaker:age a child is grafted into a beautiful new story, but
Speaker:it still is birthed at a tragedy or trauma or
Speaker:a choice that that mom had to selflessly make to give
Speaker:you a life. That's right. And I think even if, like, I did not
Speaker:have the trauma of being in foster home and foster home after foster
Speaker:home, however, I did not look like my parents.
Speaker:And that, as a young child, was always
Speaker:on my mind. You know, people would ask questions,
Speaker:and I didn't know how to answer them. So that's
Speaker:trauma. I couldn't explain it. You know, at that point,
Speaker:I probably didn't know the whole story either. But, I think, you
Speaker:know, it's it's all for the good and it definitely is what
Speaker:made me me. Yeah. You know, adversity sometimes
Speaker:I I think, you know, why do I choose the harder path
Speaker:than, you know, a nice easy path? You know, there's always been
Speaker:adversity, and I think, you know, I'm I am
Speaker:an overcomer, so I will tend to choose the
Speaker:harder path. You like a good challenge. I like a good challenge. Like, I think
Speaker:if I didn't have challenges, you know, life would be boring.
Speaker:What would I do? Yep. It's probably one of your resilient superpowers
Speaker:that you a muscle that you have been developing
Speaker:since childhood. That definitely shows
Speaker:in the way you, care for others. Well,
Speaker:Joanne, I could keep talking with you. We're gonna have to pour another cup of
Speaker:coffee here if you have the time because, we could go on. But
Speaker:thank you so much for coming on to the podcast and sharing your story,
Speaker:and, I just really appreciate you you doing so.
Speaker:Well, you're welcome. It was really, just a wonderful
Speaker:opportunity to do this, and I thank you for it. And I I
Speaker:hope that people out there are thinking a little bit more
Speaker:about, you know, those oddball children that
Speaker:they see Even if it's their own natural
Speaker:born children. Well, you are a beautiful oddball if that's what you're referring
Speaker:to. You keep being you. We love it. And if we
Speaker:have listeners that have questions or would like to
Speaker:to provide some feedback, I just wanna encourage you to do that. Go to CareImpact
Speaker:CA and and give us your feedback. We would love to hear from
Speaker:you. Get your personal reflections. Maybe you're an adoptee or an adoptive
Speaker:family, or maybe you wanna become that auntie, that grandpa,
Speaker:that that big brother to other children who are looking for
Speaker:belonging, who are looking to belong. And may I just encourage us
Speaker:all to drop the mask and just be ourselves? That is a such
Speaker:a good invitation. What a great reflection we were able to have today,
Speaker:and I just thank you again. Oh, you're welcome.
Speaker:Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care, where
Speaker:we inspire curious Canadians on their path of faith and
Speaker:living life with purpose in community. Journey with Care is an
Speaker:initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity dedicated to
Speaker:connecting and equipping the whole church to journey well in community.
Speaker:You can visit their website at careimpact.ca or visit journeywithcare.
Speaker:Ca to get more information on weekly episodes, Journey with Prayer,
Speaker:and details about our upcoming events and meetups. You can
Speaker:also leave us a message, share your thoughts, and connect with like minded
Speaker:individuals who are on their own journeys of faith and purpose. Thank
Speaker:you for sharing this podcast and and helping these stories reach the community.
Speaker:Together, we can explore ways to journey in a good way. And
Speaker:always remember to stay curious.
