Messy Advice... | Banishing the Inner Wince

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This one's for anyone who's ever sat across from someone they love,

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smiled, nodded, and quietly thought, this is not

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how I would have handled that, and then immediately judged yourself for thinking

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it. Loving people gets a lot trickier when their

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choices rub up against our convictions, especially when you care

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deeply, but your inner monologue is one long uncomfortable

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wince. And now you're stuck in the slow dance of wanting to love

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well or trying not to cringe too loudly on the inside. You know

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the moment someone opens up to you about a big life decision.

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They're excited, looking for your support, while your brain is

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screaming, wait, you did what? You wanna stay

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connected, but everything in you is trying to figure out how to love them

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without accidentally endorsing something you're not okay with.

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This is messy advice for people who care, for anyone trying to

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stretch far enough to hold grace and honesty without pulling

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something. I'm Johan on the edge of helpful, walking the

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thin line between faithfulness and passive aggressive silence.

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Today's question is the kind of question that gets

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under your skin in a good way. Let's get right

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into it. There are people I care about who are making

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choices I really don't agree with. I don't wanna ghost

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them, but I also don't wanna pretend that I'm fine with

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everything. How do I love them without compromising my

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beliefs or damaging the relationship?

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Hey. If you've ever wrestled with loving someone in real life while

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disagreeing with their life choices, this episode's for you, and you've

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probably had teenage children at some point in your life. A

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2022 Angus Reid poll found that 71% of

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Canadians say they self censor around people they care about,

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especially on moral, political, or spiritual topics to

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avoid conflict. Turns out, a lot of us

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are doing emotional gymnastics just to keep peace.

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We're not avoiding people. We're avoiding the fallout of honesty.

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That doesn't mean we're dishonest. We're just exhausted by how

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hard honesty can be. But how do we stop avoiding and

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start loving honestly without weaponizing our opinions or

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swallowing our convictions? Disagreeing with someone doesn't

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mean that you failed them. It means you're human. And in most

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cases, you can still bring banana bread without bringing a TED talk.

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Because let's be honest, no one's ever said thank

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you for that unsolicited moral clarity unless they're

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being sarcastic. Think of this scenario.

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Your cousin announces something big. Maybe it's a

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relationship, maybe a career path, a life

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shift, and everyone's celebrating around you.

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Meanwhile, you're in the corner silently panicking about how to

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stay in their life without betraying your own values. You

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don't wanna lie. You don't wanna lecture. You love them. You

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really do. But the gap between what they need and what you

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believe is starting to feel like a canyon. You just

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wanna love them well, but you're not sure what that even

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looks like anymore. That's a tough one to wrestle with.

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Let's take a look at what the Bible has to say. Let's get

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biblical, biblical. Matthew

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26, right near the end of Jesus' life. So it's

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in the middle of the night. Jesus is praying in the garden,

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already feeling the weight of what's coming, and then

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here comes Judas, not with a confrontation,

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not with a sword, but with a kiss. Honestly,

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it's one of the most uncomfortable moments in all of scripture.

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Judas is already fully committed to betrayal, and he chooses the

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most intimate gesture possible to do it. And what does

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Jesus say? Friend, do what you came

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for. Let's be clear. Jesus knows

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exactly what's happening. He doesn't interrupt with outrage.

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He doesn't call down fire from heaven, even though that's something his

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disciples have wanted to see throughout Jesus' ministry. He doesn't

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drag Judas in front of the group for public rebuke. He calls

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him friend. And Jesus isn't one to be

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sarcastic. Now I don't know about you, but I

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would not have gone with friend. I would have gone with something a

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little more pointed. Really, Judas?

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Nice timing. Didn't see this coming, except that

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I did. But Jesus, he stays

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present, honest, soft spoken,

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devastatingly composed. He names what's

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real, but without tearing down the relationship in the process.

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That wasn't approval. That wasn't passive aggression.

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That was Jesus showing us how to love someone who's walking a path we

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cannot follow without pretending, without performing,

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and without ghosting. That is what grace looks like when

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it costs something. Not the nice filtered kind,

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but the kind that holds eye contact in the middle of heartbreak

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and still says friend. Grace doesn't mean ignoring what's

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hard. It just means choosing love even when it's

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complicated. You can love someone deeply and still

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hold boundaries. You can disagree and still show

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up. Love doesn't mean silence, and it doesn't mean

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control. It means presence. Steady,

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humble, honest, and anchored in something bigger than

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approval. So if you've been tiptoeing through truth and

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love, wondering if it's even possible to hold both,

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take heart. Loving well doesn't mean you always say

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the perfect thing. Sometimes, it just means that you don't

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walk away. And, hey, if you wanna join the conversation of like

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minded individuals asking these questions, join us on our Care

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Impact podcast group on Facebook. We'd love to hear how you're navigating

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these gray areas. And until next time, keep loving,

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keep laughing. And if you're wrestling with how to be honest and stay

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close, that's what real care looks like. Slightly

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awkward, deeply human, still holy. And

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always remember to stay curious.