Messy Advice... | Does My Invisible Effort Count?
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Description
Today’s question: “I care deeply about others, but sometimes I feel bitter or resentful when I help. I don’t want to stop caring, but how do I keep going without feeling used or invisible?”
Your messy adviser, Johan, dives right into this all-too-relatable conundrum of invisible labour and emotional weightlifting for those who always find themselves signing up to bring snacks—and end up planning the whole event. With a good dose of humour and biblical honesty, this Summer Speedos conversation pulls back the curtain on caregiver burnout, punch-cards for serving too often, and the quiet ache of feeling unnoticed even while carrying the load for everyone else. Whether you’re coordinating volunteers or just trying to keep a group chat alive, tune in for encouragement and the reminder that your care doesn’t go unseen, even if you occasionally whisper "you’re welcome" to a thankless room of empty chairs.
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Skip The Dinner-Double Your Impact
Skip The Dinner is CareImpact’s year-end Christmas campaign, a fundraising non-event. You keep your time, and you give from wherever you are. Right now, every year-end gift or pledge is DOUBLED by a generous donor, so your giving goes twice as far to help strengthen CareImpact’s work with churches and community partners across Canada. Each donation will be matched before January 1, 2026.
Transcript
This one's for anyone who's ever made a casserole with love and then found
Speaker:out the group text kept going without them. Let's be
Speaker:honest, sometimes caring feels more like carrying
Speaker:everyone else's needs, emergencies, and expectations,
Speaker:stacked silently on your back while you smile and say, happy to
Speaker:help, and over time, all that quiet effort starts to feel
Speaker:less like love and more like emotional weightlifting. You
Speaker:sign up to bring snacks, just snacks, and three
Speaker:weeks later, you're coordinating volunteers, sending reminder
Speaker:emails, and learning what a gluten free, nut free, dairy light muffin
Speaker:is, all because you made eye contact at the wrong time.
Speaker:This is messy advice for people who care, for anyone who keeps showing up
Speaker:with love while secretly wondering if invisible labor counts for
Speaker:heavenly rewards. This is Johan on the
Speaker:edge of helpful, here to talk about care, calling, and
Speaker:why emotional labor should at least come with loyalty points.
Speaker:Today's question gets honest about something many of us feel but
Speaker:don't always name. Let's get right into it.
Speaker:I care deeply about others, but sometimes I feel
Speaker:bitter or resentful when I help. I don't wanna stop
Speaker:caring, but how do I keep going without feeling used or
Speaker:invisible? Hey. If you've ever loved
Speaker:with everything you've got and still walked away frustrated,
Speaker:you're not alone. According to a 2023 Angus
Speaker:Reid study, sixty three percent of Canadian caregivers
Speaker:reported feeling unseen in their roles, especially those
Speaker:providing emotional or informal support to others. And this
Speaker:isn't just about people doing ministry endeavors, the ones handing out the
Speaker:volunteer t shirts that all end up looking the same and, therefore, unseen
Speaker:or invisible. It's the quiet caregivers, the unofficial
Speaker:chaplains of casseroles, check ins, the emotional
Speaker:triage, showing up with fanfare and slowly fading
Speaker:into the background, the ones who sign up first, clean
Speaker:up last, and somehow always end up holding the group chat
Speaker:together with duct tape and emojis. We're not burned out because we
Speaker:don't care. We're burned out because we do. Caring
Speaker:doesn't automatically make you a saint, and feeling resentment
Speaker:doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human
Speaker:with limits, with expectations, and probably
Speaker:a half used punch card for serving too often.
Speaker:Caring without resentment isn't about pretending. It's about
Speaker:pacing, and most of us have been sprinting on empty for a while.
Speaker:Sometimes serving joyfully feels less like ministry and
Speaker:more like emotional DoorDash, delivering comfort and connection while your
Speaker:own tank is on empty. You show up early to set up
Speaker:chairs. You stay late to clean up, drop off meals,
Speaker:say yes to one more thing. And when no one thanks you
Speaker:or worse, when people just assume you'll do it again, you smile
Speaker:politely, go home, and start sauteing onions because at
Speaker:least they'll give you a reason for the tears you're already holding
Speaker:back. But what does the scripture have to say about this? Let's
Speaker:get biblical. Biblical. Let's
Speaker:look at Luke 15. In the parable of the prodigal son,
Speaker:we often focus on the one who left home. But tucked in at
Speaker:the end of the story is another character, one a lot of us
Speaker:quietly relate to, the older brother that didn't
Speaker:leave. He didn't waste the money. He stayed. He
Speaker:worked hard. He carried the load when his brother left.
Speaker:And when his runaway sibling returns and gets the royal treatment, a robe,
Speaker:a ring, a fattened calf, a big party,
Speaker:you can feel his jaw tighten from across the field. He
Speaker:hears the music. He smells the barbecue, and he stays
Speaker:outside. And when his father comes out to invite him in,
Speaker:the older brother lets it all spill out. I've been
Speaker:slaving for all these years. I've never disobeyed, and not
Speaker:once did he throw a party for me. That's not bitterness out of
Speaker:nowhere. That's years of effort unnoticed.
Speaker:That's someone who kept saying yes quietly, reliably,
Speaker:and is now wondering why it doesn't feel like it mattered. And here's
Speaker:what's beautiful. The father doesn't scold him. He
Speaker:doesn't say, you should be more like your brother. He
Speaker:says, you are always with me, and everything I have
Speaker:is yours. It's not just a correction. It's a
Speaker:reminder. You belong. You've always belonged,
Speaker:not because of what you've done, but because you're mine.
Speaker:Maybe the older brother isn't the warning we've made him out to be.
Speaker:Maybe he's the honest one, finally voicing what caregivers and
Speaker:behind the scenes people have felt for years. And maybe part of
Speaker:healing from resentment is not pretending you're okay, but
Speaker:remembering you were never unnoticed by the father who sees it all.
Speaker:Your value isn't based on how much you give. You are allowed
Speaker:to rest. You are allowed to feel. To not always be the one
Speaker:holding it all together. Love isn't about running yourself into the
Speaker:ground. It's about showing up fully, not flawlessly.
Speaker:So if you've been carrying on fumes, this might be your
Speaker:sign. Step back. Take a breath.
Speaker:You are not a resource. You are a person, and you matter too.
Speaker:And just know that your father sees you in what you do in the
Speaker:secret. And, hey, this is an opportunity for you to see the others that
Speaker:might go unnoticed around you, to recognize them and the work that they're
Speaker:doing. And if you wanna join the conversation, go find us on our
Speaker:Care Impact podcast group on Facebook. Join a group of
Speaker:like minded people and get into the conversation. We'd love to hear your
Speaker:stories, especially the parts that don't look picture perfect.
Speaker:Until next time, keep loving, keep laughing, and if you've
Speaker:ever whispered, you're welcome to a roomful of ungrateful chairs,
Speaker:solidarity, and maybe take a week off from setting up the
Speaker:chairs, And always remember to stay curious.
