Messy Advice... | Stepping Up Or Stepping Aside?
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Description
Today’s question: “How do I know when to step in and help, and when to step back?”
Your messy adviser, Johan, gets real about the awkwardness we all feel when that pang of responsibility hits—especially when responding to needs in our circles but feeling unsure if we’re actually the “right” person for the job. With a little help from the story of Moses (yes, the famously reluctant helper) and a good dose of Canadian self-doubt, Johan invites us to examine what really qualifies us to care for others. If you’ve ever hesitated over the reply button or wished someone just a little more qualified would show up, this Summer Speedos conversation is sure to leave you both encouraged and entertained.
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Transcript
Here's one for anyone who's ever looked at a situation and thought,
Speaker:someone should really do something, and then realized with
Speaker:mild horror that someone might be them. Let's be
Speaker:honest, there's a special kind of dread that sets in when you spot a
Speaker:need, feel a nudge, and immediately start looking around for
Speaker:someone more qualified, less tired,
Speaker:just a bit more them. You?
Speaker:You're standing there holding your keys, your conscience, and
Speaker:a vague sense of defeat. This is messy advice for people who
Speaker:care, for folks who feel deeply called to help
Speaker:as long as someone else gets there first. This is Johan on the edge of
Speaker:being helpful, offering wisdom I possibly need to
Speaker:hear more than you do. A need gets shared
Speaker:in a church group chat. Someone's sick,
Speaker:needs meals. There's that familiar moment of
Speaker:hesitation where everyone sees it, but no one responds.
Speaker:You hover over the reply button. I mean, I could,
Speaker:but then come the doubts. What if someone else knows them
Speaker:better? What if I overlap? What if
Speaker:my help just makes things more awkward? So you
Speaker:wait, and the moment slips by. And that's
Speaker:where today's question comes in from someone who wants to be
Speaker:helpful, but often feels like maybe they're not the one who should be stepping
Speaker:in. I often feel like I'm not the right person to help,
Speaker:like someone else would do it better. How do I know when to step
Speaker:in and when to step back? Hey.
Speaker:If you've ever second guessed your way out of caring, this
Speaker:one's for you, and that probably means this one's for all of
Speaker:us. According to Mental Health Research Canada, in
Speaker:2022, '40 '1 percent of Canadians reported
Speaker:not feeling confident in how to support someone experiencing
Speaker:emotional distress. Now that's not a lack of compassion.
Speaker:It's a fear of messing up. We don't need more hearts.
Speaker:We need a little more courage to trust the ones that we've got.
Speaker:So, yeah, wanting to help and knowing how aren't always the same
Speaker:thing. But maybe the better question is, do you really need to
Speaker:be qualified to care? Now if you're in the care impact
Speaker:circles, maybe you're trauma care informed, but the
Speaker:reality is most of us aren't trained in trauma response.
Speaker:We're just trying to figure out if dropping off banana bread counts as ministry.
Speaker:Spoiler alert, it does. Think about this scenario.
Speaker:You hear that someone at church just got some heavy news, a
Speaker:diagnosis, a loss, something hard.
Speaker:So you start to reach out, and then you second guess yourself.
Speaker:Do I know them well enough? What if I say the wrong thing?
Speaker:What if they have lots of people helping them already? What if my awkwardness turns
Speaker:a moment of care into a weird memory they carry forever?
Speaker:So you wait, then someone else steps in, and you're left
Speaker:wondering if you missed your moment. Now let's consider
Speaker:this. Let's get biblical. Biblical.
Speaker:Looking at the story of Moses in Exodus three and four, god appears to
Speaker:Moses in a burning bush, a literal miracle, and
Speaker:calls him to go to Pharaoh to lead his people out of Egypt. Pretty
Speaker:big job. And Moses's response, basically,
Speaker:hard pass. He doesn't say, I'm honored.
Speaker:He says, who am I? And then he spends the next
Speaker:chapter trying to convince God that he's the wrong guy. He says he's
Speaker:not persuasive, not articulate, not qualified,
Speaker:that he has no authority. He even asked God to send literally
Speaker:anyone else. And here's what's wild. God doesn't
Speaker:reassure Moses with a pep talk. He doesn't say, no. No. You're
Speaker:amazing. You're you totally got this. He says,
Speaker:I will be with you. God doesn't validate Moses by
Speaker:listing his skills. He validates him with presence.
Speaker:He shifts the focus away from Moses' readiness to God's
Speaker:sufficiency. And later, when Moses still won't
Speaker:budge, God sends him a teammate, Aaron, not
Speaker:because Moses is weak, but because God meets us where we're
Speaker:at, even when our confidence is hiding under a rock.
Speaker:Maybe being the right person to help has less to do with your credentials
Speaker:and more to do with your willingness to show up and trust the one who
Speaker:has called you. God's not asking for spiritual resumes,
Speaker:just availability. Okay. Here's my takeaway. You
Speaker:don't have to be the best person. You just have to be the present
Speaker:one. If you've noticed the need, that might
Speaker:be the only credential you need. Because most of the time,
Speaker:god doesn't recruit the polished, just the willing. So if
Speaker:you've been holding back, waiting for a sign that you're qualified,
Speaker:this might be it. Your heart's tug is already a good
Speaker:start. And if you got a question about caregiving
Speaker:boundaries, spiritual exhaustion, or just wanna be part of a conversation
Speaker:with like minded people, head over to the Care Impact podcast group on our Facebook
Speaker:page. We want to hear from you, even if your help comes
Speaker:with a side of uncertainty. Until next time, keep loving,
Speaker:keep laughing, and if you're waiting for someone more qualified,
Speaker:tag, you're it, And hey, if it gets awkward,
Speaker:that just means that you're doing it sincerely and always
Speaker:remember to stay curious.
